The short answer
- This conversation is about fit, not safety checksThe formal checks happen before you ever see a profile. Your own conversation is for judging whether this particular carer suits your relative.
- Walk through an ordinary day rather than asking in the abstractA carer answering a real description of your relative’s morning tells you more than a general question about their experience.
- Notice how they talk about people, not only what they say about themselvesSpecific, respectful answers about past clients are a better sign than a confident answer about their own skills.
- Include your relative if you can, and adapt the conversation for dementiaA short, calm introduction shows you how the carer relates to your relative directly, which often tells you more than anything said to you.
PrimeCarers checks a carer's identity, right to work and enhanced DBS, and completes an online interview with them, before their profile appears. It is an introductory service, not a care agency: the conversation below is one you have yourself, on top of those checks.
Before you meet
What to have ready before you sit down together
A carer plans around specifics, so bring specifics rather than a general worry. Twenty minutes spent writing down your relative's day makes the conversation itself shorter and far more useful.
What to write down first
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Your relative’s day
Who they are
The practical arrangement
If you have not found anyone to interview yet, how to find a private carer covers where to look and what a profile should show before you message someone. If you would rather someone else ran this whole process for you, comparing an agency with a private carer sets out what that costs and what changes. Everyone on PrimeCarers has already had their identity, right to work and enhanced DBS checked, and has completed an online interview with PrimeCarers itself, before their profile appears; how we vet every carer sets out that process, and background checks on a private carer explains exactly what each check covers and does not cover. What follows is the conversation you have on top of that.
The interview itself
Four moments in a conversation, and what each one tells you
Most conversations with a carer move through the same four moments, whether they last twenty minutes or an hour. Knowing what each one is for helps you use the time well.
Their own experience
What to raise
Ask what kind of care they have done before, and how long they have been doing it. If your relative has a specific condition, name it and ask directly whether they have supported someone with it.
What a good answer sounds like
Specific detail rather than a general answer. "I worked with a gentleman who had Parkinson’s for two years, his tremor was worse in the mornings" tells you far more than "yes, I have done that before."
A walk through your relative’s day
What to raise
Describe an ordinary day: what time they get up, what help they need with washing and dressing, what they eat, what medication is due when. Watch how the carer takes it in.
What a good answer sounds like
Questions back. A carer who asks what your relative can still do for themselves, or whether they get anxious in the morning, is already thinking about the person rather than the task list.
A tricky moment, talked through rather than acted out
What to raise
Describe one situation that worries you, such as a fall, a refusal to get washed, or confusion in the evening, and ask how they would handle it. Ask them to talk it through rather than physically demonstrate a lift or a transfer, which needs proper equipment and training to do safely and is not something to try out on a first meeting.
What a good answer sounds like
A calm, specific answer rather than a reassurance. "I would stay at their level, not rush them, and check for pain before assuming it is confusion" is more useful than "don’t worry, I’ve seen it all."
The questions they ask you
What to raise
Leave time at the end for them to ask about your relative, the house, and what a typical visit would involve.
What a good answer sounds like
Questions about your relative as a person, their routine, what upsets them, what they enjoy, rather than only about pay, hours or parking. Both matter, but the first tells you more about the fit.
None of this needs to feel like a formal interview. A cup of tea at your relative's kitchen table often works better than a list of questions read out in order, and it lets your relative see how the conversation goes rather than have it happen about them elsewhere. If a specific condition is involved, name it plainly and early, rather than leaving the carer to work it out as the conversation goes on.
Reading the answers
Signs this is a good match, and signs to pause
There is no score to reach. These are the things worth noticing as you talk, on both sides of the ledger.
Good signs
- They ask questions back about your relative, not only about the job
- They talk about past clients with respect and specific detail
- They say plainly when there is something they have not done before, rather than claiming to have done everything
- They ask what happens if a visit needs to run over, or your relative has a bad day
- They seem comfortable being interrupted or corrected by your relative directly
Signs to pause
- Vague answers to a specific question, repeated across more than one topic
- Talking mainly about themselves, or dismissively about a previous family
- Reluctance to say what they are not confident with
- Pressure to decide immediately, or to skip the conversation and start straight away
- Discomfort or irritation when your relative asks their own question
A single answer rarely tells you much on its own; it is the pattern across several questions that matters. If a carer's manner does not sit right, weigh that against a strong answer on paper rather than the other way round. What makes a good carer sets out the traits that matter most once the checks are done, and carer interview: what to ask and what to check has a further list of questions to draw on.
Including your relative
Including your relative in the conversation, especially with dementia
Your relative is the person the carer will spend time with, so include them wherever you can, even if they need help to take part.
If they have dementia
If speech is difficult, for example after a stroke
If they are anxious about a stranger in the house
If they cannot take part in the conversation at all
None of this replaces a written care plan once you have decided. Building a care plan with your carer has a starting template for setting out what matters to your relative in writing, so nothing depends on memory once the visits begin.
How to start
From this page to a carer you have interviewed yourself
Four steps, and the first two are free.
- 1
Search carers near you
FreeEvery profile shows a carer's rate, experience and reviews, alongside confirmation that their identity, right to work and enhanced DBS have already been checked and their online interview with PrimeCarers completed. - 2
Message two or three
This weekShare a short version of the day you wrote down earlier, and ask when they could talk. - 3
Have the conversation
20 to 60 minutesUse the four moments above, and include your relative if you can. Take a few notes afterwards while it is fresh, especially if you are seeing more than one carer. - 4
Book the first visit with a written care plan
Week 1Start with the hours you are sure of, and add to the plan once the carer has met your relative in person.
Questions
Questions families ask about interviewing a carer
Ask about their experience with your relative's specific condition, walk them through an ordinary day, and describe one situation that worries you to see how they would handle it. Leave time for them to ask you questions too. Carer interview: what to ask and what to check has a fuller list of questions.
Either can work for a first conversation, and a video call is a reasonable way to narrow down who you want to meet properly. Meet in person, in your relative's home if possible, before you book any visits, so you can see how the carer and your relative are together in the space where the visits will happen.
No. PrimeCarers checks a carer's identity, right to work and enhanced DBS, and keeps the DBS certificate current on the Update Service, before their profile appears. You can still ask to see the certificate if you would like to, but the checking has already been done. Background checks on a private carer sets out what each check covers.
Include them for as much of the conversation as they can manage, even a short introduction, and watch how the carer speaks to them rather than about them. Bring a photograph or describe a good day if a longer conversation is not possible. The dementia care guide has more on introducing a new carer gradually.
There is no fixed number. Two or three conversations usually give you enough to compare, and a strong first impression is reason enough to stop looking sooner. If none of the first few feel right, it is worth widening the search rather than settling.
Ask them to talk it through rather than perform it. A physical demonstration on your relative needs the right equipment and an introduction to how it is normally done in your home, and a first meeting is not the place for that. A clear, specific answer about how they would approach it tells you most of what you need at this stage.
You are not committed to a long arrangement. You agree visits directly with the carer, so you can stop booking with them and look elsewhere at any point. A visit that has already been booked follows the usual notice and cancellation terms, so raise any concern as early as you can rather than waiting. Trouble with a carer covers the steps to take if something is not working.