The short answer
- Emotional support means a person, not a taskA friend, a support group or a GP referral for talking therapy, so the feelings caring brings up have somewhere to go.
- The physical work needs a planned break, not willpowerLifting, washing and broken sleep wear on a body over months. Respite care or a paid visit is what protects you.
- You have a right to a carer's assessmentIt is free, separate from any assessment of the person you care for, and does not depend on your income or savings.
- A written record does what memory cannotA short care plan means a relative, a paid carer or a district nurse all work from the same information.
This page is about what helps you, the person doing the caring. If you are further along and recognise resentment, loneliness or burnout, the linked pages below go into those directly.
What caring asks of you
The four things caring for someone else asks of you
Caring for a parent or partner is not one job. It draws on your emotions, your body, your standing with the services around you, and your ability to keep everyone informed, often all in the same afternoon. Naming the four separately makes it easier to see which one is currently missing.
Somewhere to put the feelings caring stirs up
A friend, a support group or a GP referral for talking therapy, so the feelings have somewhere to go rather than sitting under the next job.
A real, planned break from the physical work
Lifting, washing and broken sleep wear on a body over months. A scheduled break protects you before it becomes an injury or a collapse.
Formal recognition that caring has a cost
A carer's assessment, Carer's Allowance if you qualify, and a note on your GP file that caring is part of your life.
Everyone giving care the same way, without you repeating it
A short care plan means a relative, a paid carer or a district nurse all work from the same information, instead of it living only in your head.
An estimated 5.0 million people in England and Wales provide unpaid care, according to the 2021 Census, and the number providing 50 hours a week or more has been rising. None of what follows requires you to identify as a carer in some official sense first. If you are doing any of this, the support below is for you. The wider challenges of caring for a parent is worth reading alongside this if you are still working out what has changed for you since caring began.
Emotional support
Somewhere to put the feelings caring stirs up
Caring for someone you love, while also managing their decline, their moods and sometimes their resistance to help, is emotionally different from any job. The feelings need somewhere to go other than being carried silently.
Other carers, who recognise it without explanation
A professional, when it has become more than tiredness
One person you tell the truth to
Permission for the feeling itself
If loneliness or resentment has become the main thing you are feeling, is being a caregiver lonely and how do I stop being resentful as a caregiver go into each in full. NHS Talking Therapies and the Carers UK helpline (0808 808 7777, Monday to Friday, 9am to 6pm) are both worth saving in your phone before you need them, not after.
Physical support
Protecting your own body while you help with someone else's
Lifting, supporting someone's weight, and broken sleep from night-time checks all add up over months. The risk is to you as much as to the person you are caring for, and it is usually your back or your sleep that gives way first.
What protects you
- Asking an occupational therapist to show you how to support a transfer, rather than working it out yourself
- Using a hoist, a transfer belt or a raised bed once one has been assessed for, rather than lifting from a low position
- Booking a real break before your own health starts to slip, not after
- Sharing night checks with another family member or a paid carer on alternating nights
What tends to cause injury
- Lifting someone's full weight from a bent or twisted position, one of the most common causes of a manual handling back injury
- Assuming a "knack" will keep working as the person you care for becomes less able to help you move them
- Waiting for a bad night to ask for an assessment or equipment
- Treating your own exhaustion as something to push through rather than a sign to change something
A real break matters as much as the technique. Respite care covers the person you look after, at home or in a residential setting, for anything from a single day to a couple of weeks, so you get proper time away rather than a few stolen hours. When to consider respite care sets out how it is arranged and funded, and it is worth booking before you feel you cannot carry on rather than waiting until then. A paid carer can also take on a specific visit each week, mornings or evenings for example, from £18 to £25 an hour with our fee included, so the physical work is not entirely yours every day.
Recognition and rights
The recognition that comes with a formal right attached
Being thanked for caring is not the same as being recognised by the systems around you. Three of these carry a formal right or process, not just goodwill.
| Who to contact | What it gives you | |
|---|---|---|
| A carer's assessment | Ask your local council for one | A free, legal right under the Care Act 2014 to have your own situation looked at, separate from any assessment of the person you care for. Can lead to funded breaks, equipment or training. |
| Carer's Allowance | Claim through the DWP | A weekly payment if you care for 35 hours a week or more for someone getting a qualifying disability benefit, plus National Insurance credits towards your own State Pension. |
| Your GP carer register | Ask your GP practice to add you | A note on your file that caring is part of your life, which some practices use to offer same-time appointments, priority flu jabs, or a check on your own health. |
A carer's assessment
- Who to contact
- Ask your local council for one
- What it gives you
- A free, legal right under the Care Act 2014 to have your own situation looked at, separate from any assessment of the person you care for. Can lead to funded breaks, equipment or training.
Carer's Allowance
- Who to contact
- Claim through the DWP
- What it gives you
- A weekly payment if you care for 35 hours a week or more for someone getting a qualifying disability benefit, plus National Insurance credits towards your own State Pension.
Your GP carer register
- Who to contact
- Ask your GP practice to add you
- What it gives you
- A note on your file that caring is part of your life, which some practices use to offer same-time appointments, priority flu jabs, or a check on your own health.
None of these depend on your income or savings, though Carer's Allowance has its own separate earnings limit.
A carer's assessment is the widest of the three, since it can uncover funded support you did not know existed rather than just a payment. What Carer's Allowance pays and who qualifies has the current rate and the full eligibility rules. Registering with your GP takes a short form, explained here by Carers UK, and does not require any proof of your caring role.
Carers UK also runs Carers Rights Day each November, a national push to make sure carers know what they are entitled to. If your parent pays you directly for some of the caring you do, can my mum pay me to care for her covers the tax, Carer's Allowance and council rules that come with that.
Clear communication
Why a written record matters as much as your own memory
The information about what your parent needs, what has changed, and what to do if something goes wrong tends to live only in your head. That works until you are away, unwell, or simply cannot be reached.
What a workable record should cover
0 of 4 ticked
The daily routine
If things go wrong
The complete guide to care plans sets out how to build this properly, including what to do if your parent cannot help decide what goes in it. A written plan is also what lets a paid carer, if you bring one in, pick up a visit consistently rather than you briefing them from memory each time.
This week
Four things to arrange, in the order that helps fastest
You do not need to do all of this at once. Starting with whichever one is currently missing usually does more than trying to fix everything together.
Call the council for a carer's assessment
Free, this week
Book a break, even a short one
Before you need it
Write down what one visit needs to cover
Today
Tell one person how caring is going
Today
If it has already gone further than tiredness, what are the signs of caregiver burnout is worth reading before you decide what to arrange first, and how long carer burnout lasts covers what shortens it. If a paid carer for even one visit a week would take the sharpest edge off, search vetted carers near your parent to see who is available.
Questions
Questions about what caregivers need
A carer's assessment from the council. It is free, does not depend on your income, and is the one route that can open up funded respite, equipment and training all at once, rather than solving a single problem. How to ask for one.
A legal right under the Care Act 2014 to have your own situation as a carer looked at, separate from any assessment of the person you care for. Contact your local council's adult social services and ask for one directly. It usually means a conversation, about an hour, covering your health, your work and your own free time, and can lead to funded breaks, equipment or training if you are eligible.
Sometimes, though most family carers are not paid directly. Can my mum pay me to care for her? covers the tax, Carer's Allowance and council rules involved. Separately, Carer's Allowance pays you if you care 35 hours a week or more for someone getting a qualifying disability benefit.
Ask at reception, or look for a carer registration form on your practice's website. You do not need to provide proof, and it does not affect the care the person you look after receives. Some practices use it to offer same-time appointments, an earlier flu jab, or a check on your own health. Carers UK has a fuller explanation.
This is common, and it is usually about control or fear rather than the help itself. How do you get someone to accept care covers how to raise it without it becoming a standoff.
Tell your GP or call the Carers UK helpline (0808 808 7777) this week, rather than waiting to see if it passes. What are the signs of caregiver burnout helps you check whether this has moved past ordinary tiredness.