The short answer
- You do not have to be the only oneSharing tasks with people who already know your parent protects both of you: it reduces what falls on you, and it means your parent sees more than one face during the week.
- List the tasks before you askA specific day and a specific job is far easier for someone to say yes to than a vague offer of help left open for either of you to bring up later.
- Ask a neighbour to watch, not to careChecking in and knowing who to ring is a fair thing to ask a neighbour. Washing, medication and money are not, and it is not fair to put them in that position.
- Bring in a paid carer for what has to happen every dayCarers on PrimeCarers charge £18 to £25 an hour, our fee included, for the visits that cannot wait for someone to be free.
Figures for paid care are what carers on PrimeCarers charge, with our fee included. Agencies charge £28 to £35 an hour for the same visit.
Who can help
Four kinds of help, and what each one is realistically good for
Not everyone around you can, or should, help in the same way. Matching the task to the right person avoids asking too much of somebody, or leaving a job with nobody suited to it.
Family and close friends
Good for: Company, sitting in for an hour or an afternoon, and tasks that need someone who already knows your parent's routine.
Ask them for: A specific day and job: the Tuesday shop, a standing phone call, or covering an evening so you can be somewhere else.
Not the right fit for: Personal care or medication if it would embarrass your parent, or if the relationship makes it awkward for either of them.
Neighbours
Good for: Keeping an eye on the house and noticing when something looks wrong while you cannot be there.
Ask them for: An emergency number to ring, and to flag anything unusual: curtains still closed, lights left on, post piling up.
Not the right fit for: Anything involving your parent's body, their medication or their money. That is a bigger ask than most neighbours expect.
Local voluntary and community groups
Good for: Regular company or a set outing for someone who is mostly on their own, from a volunteer who has been checked for the role.
Ask them for: Your council's adult social care team, or a national charity, for a befriending or visiting volunteer near your parent.
Not the right fit for: Anything urgent. These services usually run on a waiting list and a fixed weekly slot, not on call.
A paid carer
Good for: The tasks that have to happen at a set time every day whatever else is going on: getting up, washing, meals and medication.
Ask them for: A specific visit, booked directly with a carer you choose, for as many hours or days a week as your parent needs.
Not the right fit for: A single one-off errand or the odd favour, where asking someone you already know is quicker and free.
Most families end up drawing on more than one of these at once, and which combination works best changes as your parent's needs change. The sections below cover building a working rota with family and friends, what is fair to ask a neighbour, where to find volunteers if you need more hands than the people you know can offer, and when it is time to bring in a paid carer for the parts of the day that cannot wait for someone to be free.
Building a rota
Turning willing people into a working rota
People around you are often willing to help and simply do not know what would be useful. A short, specific list turns good intentions into something that happens.
- 1
Write down every task, not just the hard ones
Start hereInclude the small jobs, a weekly shop, a phone call, watering the plants, alongside the harder ones. Small jobs are often the easiest for someone else to take on, and taking them off your list still frees up your time. - 2
Ask for a specific day and task
Not a general offer"Could you do the Tuesday shop?" gets a yes far more often than "let me know if you need anything", because the person knows exactly what they are agreeing to and when. - 3
Put it somewhere everyone can see
A shared calendar or group chatA shared calendar, a family group chat, or a paper rota on the fridge all work. What matters is that everyone can see who is doing what, so nothing is assumed and nothing gets missed. - 4
Cover the cost of driving
If someone is doing it regularlyIf a relative or friend is regularly driving your parent to appointments, offering to cover the petrol removes an awkwardness neither of you needs. Many families use HM Revenue and Customs' mileage rate, 55p a mile, as a fair amount to offer. - 5
Review it after a few weeks
Adjust rather than assumeRotas drift as life gets busier for some people and quieter for others. Checking in after a month, rather than waiting for something to be missed, keeps it working.
Asking a neighbour
What is fair to ask a neighbour, and what is not
A neighbour who has known your parent for years can be a real help, and most people are glad to be useful. The trick is asking for the right kind of help, and not putting them in a position they did not sign up for.
What is fair to ask
- Keeping an eye on the house and noticing anything unusual: curtains still closed by mid-morning, lights left on overnight, or milk left on the step
- Giving them an emergency number, yours and one other, so they know exactly who to ring if something looks wrong
- Collecting a parcel or a prescription, or letting a tradesperson in when you cannot be there
- A short, regular check-in, a knock and a hello rather than a full visit, if your parent is on their own for long stretches
What to leave to someone else
- Personal care, or anything involving your parent's body
- Medication, even something as simple as handing over a dosette box
- Money, banking, or anything that could later be questioned
- Being the only person who knows what is happening. A neighbour is a useful extra pair of eyes, not a substitute for you or a carer
If a neighbour or a volunteer is taking on a regular check-in, it is worth being clear with yourself about where your own responsibility still sits, since arranging that support does not move it entirely off your plate. Your duties as a caregiver sets out what that responsibility involves in more detail.
Finding more help
Where to find volunteers if family and friends cannot cover it all
If the people you already know cannot fill every gap, local and national organisations recruit and check volunteers for exactly this. Expect a wait rather than same-day help, since demand for these services tends to be high.
Your local council
Ask adult social care
A carer's assessment is also worth asking your council for in its own right. It looks at what caring is doing to you rather than at your parent's needs, and it does not depend on your income or on the two of you living together. What is a carer's assessment? covers who qualifies and how to ask.
Bringing in paid care
When it is time to bring in a paid carer
Favours and volunteers can cover a great deal, but not the tasks that need to happen at the same time every day, whatever else is going on. That is usually the point to look at paid care for at least part of the week.
| What it covers | What it costs | |
|---|---|---|
| A single hourly visit | The morning or evening routine, a lunch call, or sitting with your parent for a set time | £18 to £25 an hour on PrimeCarers, our fee included, against £28 to £35 through an agency for the same visit |
| Live-in care | Someone in the house day and night, once visits are adding up to most of the day | From £1,050 a week on PrimeCarers |
| A short break for you | A few days where somebody else takes over entirely, arranged as respite care or through your council | Varies; the council can sometimes fund it after a carer's assessment |
A single hourly visit
- What it covers
- The morning or evening routine, a lunch call, or sitting with your parent for a set time
- What it costs
- £18 to £25 an hour on PrimeCarers, our fee included, against £28 to £35 through an agency for the same visit
Live-in care
- What it covers
- Someone in the house day and night, once visits are adding up to most of the day
- What it costs
- From £1,050 a week on PrimeCarers
A short break for you
- What it covers
- A few days where somebody else takes over entirely, arranged as respite care or through your council
- What it costs
- Varies; the council can sometimes fund it after a carer's assessment
Figures are what carers on PrimeCarers charge, with our fee included, current for September 2026.
Every carer on PrimeCarers has had their identity, right to work and an enhanced DBS check on the Update Service verified, and has been interviewed online before their profile goes live. PrimeCarers introduces you to a self-employed carer rather than employing or managing them, so it is worth agreeing what you expect directly with the carer you choose, in the same way you would with a neighbour or a family member helping out. How many visits a week does my parent need is a good place to start working out the hours, and you can search vetted carers near your parent for free, with no obligation to book. If money is the obstacle rather than time, how to privately fund care sets out the options for paying for it.
Questions
Questions families ask about sharing the care
Ask for one specific thing on one specific day rather than a general favour, and say what it is for: "so I can get a full night's sleep" is easier to agree to than an unexplained request. Most people are glad to be asked directly rather than left guessing what would help.
Checking in, watching for anything unusual, and holding an emergency number are fair and common requests. Personal care, medication and anything involving money are not, and asking for them puts a neighbour in a position most people are not prepared for.
Your council's adult social care team, and national charities such as Age UK and Royal Voluntary Service, recruit and check volunteers for regular visits and calls. Expect a waiting list, since demand for these services is usually high.
No. A befriending service is company or practical help arranged through a charity or your council. A carer's assessment is a separate, free right to have your own needs as a carer looked at by the council. What is a carer's assessment? covers how to ask for one.
On PrimeCarers, every carer has their identity, right to work and enhanced DBS check on the Update Service verified, and has been interviewed online, before their profile goes live. We do not check qualifications or training. Carers can share reviews from families they have worked with before, which appear on their profile for you to read. Ask directly about experience with anything specific your parent needs.
Carers on PrimeCarers charge £18 to £25 an hour for a single visit, our fee included, against £28 to £35 typically charged by an agency for the same visit. Doing it all yourself costs no money directly, but the time and toll are real, which is why most families end up sharing the load in some way.
It happens, and it is not always about willingness: distance, their own health or a difficult history with your parent can all be behind it. Rather than pushing the same request again, look at what neighbours, local volunteers or a few hours of paid care could cover instead, and revisit family later if the situation changes.