How to write a washing and dressing care plan for your parent

Most of what follows applies whoever is doing the washing and dressing, whether that is you, a relative or a paid carer. Caring for a parent covers the wider decisions around arranging support, and the technique for bathing, showering and using the toilet safely is covered in full in bathing and toileting your parent, so this guide concentrates on the plan itself, the hygiene habits either side of the bath, and dressing. If you have not written a care plan before, the complete guide to care plans covers the wider format this section fits into.

Keep it somewhere it will be found and used. A printed page by the front door or on the fridge works better than a note on someone's phone, and it is worth folding it into your parent's wider care plan if they have one, rather than keeping it as a separate document nobody remembers to check.

Losing some sense of smell is common as people get older, which is one reason your parent might not notice an odour from unwashed clothing, or from a pad, catheter or urinal bottle, that is obvious to you. If they use any of that equipment, check regularly that it is fitted and working properly, and that your parent can still manage it themselves if that is meant to be the case. Raising it can be an awkward conversation, so a calm, matter-of-fact tone works better than waiting for a bigger discussion. Managing incontinence goes further into products, routines and how to raise the subject without it becoming a stand-off.

Living Made Easy, run by the disability charity the Disabled Living Foundation, gives independent advice on adaptive clothing and dressing aids such as a dressing stick, a sock aid or a long-handled shoe horn, without selling anything itself. If a stroke has affected your parent's grip or one side of their body, Stroke Association has guidance on dressing after a stroke covering which side to dress first and what to look for in clothing. If dementia is making dressing harder, the Alzheimer's Society's tips for dressing go further into offering choice, labelling drawers, and giving instructions in small steps.

A previous fall or a bad experience being washed can make someone frightened of the bathroom itself; how to deal with falls covers rebuilding that confidence rather than avoiding the task. Dementia adds another layer: the Alzheimer's Society explains that memory loss can make it hard to follow the steps of a wash, and perceptual changes can mean your parent does not understand why they need to undress in front of someone. Their advice is to keep the routine as familiar as possible, and if your parent resists and you cannot work out why, to leave it and try again a little later rather than pressing on.

If your parent has the mental capacity to make this particular decision, they are entitled to refuse to be washed or dressed on a given day, even if you think that is the wrong choice. That is the same principle set out in full in privacy and dignity, which covers what to do if this becomes a source of ongoing conflict between you, and how decisions work if your parent cannot make this kind of choice for themselves.

To ask for an equipment assessment, contact your council through GOV.UK; an occupational therapist will usually visit and talk through what your parent finds hardest. The right equipment to aid an elderly parent covers the fuller range of equipment beyond dressing, including how loans and bigger grants work.

If washing and dressing have become more than you can manage alone, whether because of your own back, your own time, or because your parent would rather be helped by someone other than family, a carer can take on some or all of these visits. How many visits a week does my parent need helps work out what a morning routine like this would cost, and you can search carers near you to see who is available.