Caregiving is stressful because four pressures land at once

None of the four is a sign that you are managing things badly. They are simply what caring for another adult involves once it becomes a regular part of your week, and caring for a parent covers the wider decisions that come with taking it on. The sections below take each pressure in turn, what causes it and what tends to help, before looking at what to do this week if the weight of it is becoming too much.

If a particular frightening event, a fall, a diagnosis or a crisis, is what you keep returning to, rather than a general sense of strain, what is caregiver trauma describes that sharper reaction and how it differs from the everyday weight described here. Where a condition such as dementia is part of what makes communication hard, dementia care goes further into what changes and when. How do you look after yourself as a carer covers the practical habits that protect you from carrying this weight alone.

Broken sleep is one of the biggest drivers of this. Being woken in the night, whether to help someone to the bathroom, resettle them, or simply because you are listening for a call, prevents the deep sleep a body needs to recover, and the tiredness this causes does not lift the way ordinary tiredness does. Learning safer ways to lift, move and support someone reduces the physical strain considerably: moving elderly parents safely and bathing and toileting elderly parents both set out technique that protects your back as much as it protects them.

Feeling resentment about any of this is common rather than shameful, and how do I stop being resentful as a caregiver looks directly at where it comes from. The same pressures often bring on a particular kind of loneliness, since the company of the person you care for is not the same as the company of a friend; is being a caregiver lonely covers that in full, and the advantages of companionship care looks at what a companion carer adds if company, rather than personal care, is what your parent or partner is missing most.

Carer's Allowance in full covers the qualifying benefits and how to claim, and Attendance Allowance explains the two rates and how your parent applies. Local authority funding sets out what the council can pay towards more broadly, and balancing work with caring for a parent goes through Carer's Leave, flexible working and how to raise it with an employer.

1. 1

   Register as a carer with your GP

   Today

   Lets your GP take account of the effect caring is having on you specifically, not only on the person you look after, and opens the door to things like a free flu jab and a referral for your own support.
2. 2

   Ask the council for a carer's assessment

   Free

   A legal right to have your own situation looked at, separate from any assessment of your parent or partner, and it can lead to a funded break, equipment or a contribution towards costs.
3. 3

   Hand over one visit a week

   Free to look

   A single paid visit, for the task or the time of day you find hardest, takes real weight off without meaning you have stepped back from caring. Carers on PrimeCarers charge £18 to £25 an hour with our fee included, against £28 to £35 through most agencies.
4. 4

   Book a longer break if you need one

   When you can

   A few days or weeks with someone else covering care lets you rest properly rather than just getting through the week, rather than only resting once you can no longer continue.

The carer's assessment is covered step by step, with how to ask and what it can lead to, in how do I stop being resentful as a caregiver. Search hourly carers near you costs nothing and carries no obligation to book, and when to consider respite care sets out how a longer break is arranged and what it costs.