The short answer
- A film can do some of the talking for youIt gives you both something to look at together, and it can open a conversation neither of you has known how to start.
- Eleven films, sorted by who they suitSome are gentle enough to watch with your parent. Others say more about what caring is like, and are better watched by you first.
- A few small things make watching together easierKeeping a lamp on, choosing a good time of day and turning on subtitles all help more than which film you pick.
- Some of this list is for you, not for themA handful of these films are about what caring does to the person doing it, and it is worth watching those on your own.
If you would like to watch with your parent but cannot always be there, companion carers on PrimeCarers charge £15 to £20 an hour with our fee included.
Why watch something like this
Why a film can help when you don't know what to say
Arranging care rarely happens in one clear conversation. It happens in short exchanges around a kitchen table, in a car on the way back from an appointment, in the quiet after everyone else has gone home.
A film in the background gives you both something to look at that is not each other, and it can carry some of what neither of you has found the words for yet. None of the eleven films below were made for this purpose, but each one touches illness, disability or caring for somebody closely enough that families keep returning to them.
Something to look at, not just each other
A way in to a conversation neither of you has started
Company that doesn't need energy from either of you
A diagnosis seen through someone else's eyes first
The eleven films
Eleven films about caring, sorted by who they suit
Every film below is about illness, disability or caring for somebody. Each is grouped by who tends to get the most from it: watching together, opening up a hard conversation, or you watching it alone first.
Watch it together
Warmer or more comic in tone, even though the subject is serious.
The Intouchables (2011)
A wealthy man with quadriplegia hires an unlikely carer with no experience and no patience for pity, and their friendship carries the film.
The Upside (2017)
A paralysed businessman hires a newly released ex-convict as his carer, in a lighter, more comic take on the same setup as The Intouchables.
Crip Camp (2020)
A documentary about a 1970s summer camp for disabled teenagers, several of whom went on to lead the disability rights movement that shaped the law today.
A way in to a hard conversation
Both are told from the point of view of a woman living with dementia, which can say something a family finds hard to say themselves.
Elizabeth Is Missing (2019)
A BBC television drama in which Glenda Jackson plays a woman with dementia trying to work out why her best friend has gone missing, while an older memory keeps surfacing alongside the new one.
Still Alice (2014)
Julianne Moore plays a linguistics professor with early-onset Alzheimer's, and the film stays with her own experience of the diagnosis rather than her family's.
Watch it yourself first
These say more about what caring is like than what the illness is like, and some families find them heavy to watch with the person the film is indirectly about.
The Theory of Everything (2014)
Stephen Hawking's wife, Jane, becomes his carer after his motor neurone disease diagnosis, and the film follows what that does to her own life as much as his.
Beginners (2010)
Oliver becomes his father Hal's carer after Hal is diagnosed with cancer, in a relationship that had not always been close.
Silver Linings Playbook (2012)
Pat moves back in with his parents after a stay in a psychiatric hospital, and the film follows what caring for an adult child with bipolar disorder asks of a family.
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (2007)
A true story: after a stroke leaves him with locked-in syndrome, Jean-Dominique Bauby composes his memoir one blink at a time, with a therapist reading out the alphabet.
The Descendants (2011)
A father raises his two daughters alone after his wife is left in a coma by an accident, and the family face decisions no one had prepared them for.
I Am Me (2015)
Charlie, who has autism and a learning disability, moves into his own flat as his mother's health means she can no longer care for him full time, and the film does not look away from the hate crime he faces once he is more visible in the community.
None of these were made for children, and several deal with a difficult diagnosis or a family under strain, so it is worth checking a film suits your evening rather than assuming from the title alone. The British Board of Film Classification lists the certificate and the reasons behind it for any film, if you want to check before you press play.
Watching together
A few things that make watching together easier
The film matters less than a handful of practical choices around it, especially if your parent has dementia or finds a dark room disorientating.
Before, during and after
0 of 7 ticked
Before you press play
While you watch
Afterwards
If a diagnosis is what you are trying to find the words for, dementia care covers what usually happens next, and how do you tell someone they need care? goes further into starting that conversation. If a stroke is behind the change in your parent, stroke recovery care is the fuller guide to what that involves.
For you, the carer
Some of this list says more about caring than about the illness
A few of these films are about the person doing the caring: the guilt, the exhaustion, the relationships that get complicated along the way. They are usually better watched alone, or with a partner, rather than with the parent they are indirectly about.
What these films can do for you
- Puts a name to a feeling you have not said out loud, such as resentment or relief
- Shows a family working out how to care for someone without getting everything right first time
- Gives you permission to find caring as hard as it sometimes is
- Reminds you that a strained relationship, like the one in Beginners, can still hold a lot of care
What they are not
- A guide to what will happen to you or your parent
- A reason to compare your situation with somebody else's, in either direction
- A substitute for talking to somebody about how you are finding it
- Something you have to watch, if it does not sound like what you want tonight
If exhaustion or resentment is closer to what you recognise here than anything in the list of films, caring for the caregiver is the fuller guide to looking after yourself while you look after somebody else. Is being a caregiver lonely? and how do I stop being resentful as a caregiver? go further into two of the feelings that come up most.
Building it into the week
Making a film part of a regular visit, not just tonight
Watching something together does not need to be a special occasion. It can be part of what a carer's visit or a weekly call is built around, especially once getting to an actual cinema has become harder.
- 1
Write down what your parent has always liked
TodayA favourite actor, an old film they mention often, or a type of story they never tire of. This is a better starting point than any list, including this one. - 2
Check whether a cinema near you runs a dementia-friendly or relaxed screening
This weekA local cinema, library or memory café will usually know, and it can turn watching something into an outing rather than an evening in. - 3
Look at a companionship carer if you cannot always be there
Free to searchA visit built around a film and a chat suits some people better than an activity that needs more energy. Every carer has interviewed online, and their identity, right to work and enhanced DBS are checked before they appear. - 4
Treat it as one part of a fuller week, not the whole of it
OngoingA film fills an evening well, but it works best alongside the rest of the week rather than instead of it.
Activities to do in later life and activities for when your parent can't get out much both have more ways to fill a week, and activities to try with a companionship carer goes further into what a shared visit like this looks like in practice.
Questions
Questions families ask about films and caring
Still Alice and Elizabeth Is Missing are both told from the point of view of a woman living with dementia, which some families find helps them understand what it might be like from the other side. Whether either is right for your own parent depends on how comfortable they are seeing their own diagnosis reflected on screen, so it is worth watching either one yourself first. Dementia care covers what usually comes next after a diagnosis like this.
The Intouchables, The Upside and Crip Camp are the gentlest in tone, even though all three are about disability. The first two are comic buddy films built around an unlikely friendship, and Crip Camp is an upbeat documentary about the disability rights movement rather than an illness story.
It can make the first sentence easier to say, because you are both responding to something on screen rather than raising the subject cold. It works best as an opening rather than the whole conversation: watch together, then ask an open question afterwards, such as what stood out to them, rather than expecting the film to say everything for you.
Most streaming services and BBC iPlayer let you turn on subtitles from the settings menu, and many also offer an audio-described track for anyone who cannot see the screen well. If one platform is missing a feature for a particular film, a second platform carrying the same film often has it.
Many UK cinemas run one, usually with the lights kept low rather than off, the sound turned down slightly, and no expectation of staying quiet throughout. A local cinema, library or memory café will usually know what runs nearby, and the UK Cinema Association’s guide explains what to expect.
That is a reasonable instinct, and none of these films need to be watched to have a good evening. The Intouchables, The Upside and Crip Camp are the gentlest starting points, and there is no reason to work through the rest of the list unless one of them speaks to something you or your parent are going through.
Yes. A companionship carer's visit can be built around exactly this: putting a film on, making a cup of tea, and being there for the conversation afterwards if your parent wants one. Companion carers on PrimeCarers charge £15 to £20 an hour with our fee included. Activities to try with a companionship carer goes into what a visit like this looks like.