The short answer
- Your parent's money comes firstOnly the part of the bill their pension, benefits and savings do not cover needs sharing.
- Pick one of three methodsEqual, by income, or equal with caring hours counted. None is the right one; the one you all agree to is.
- Write it down before the first paymentThe amounts, the method, gift or loan, and the date you will look at it again.
- Regular payments from income can be free of inheritance taxIf you pay from income, regularly, and can still afford your usual way of life.
The methods work anywhere in the UK. The inheritance tax rule applies across the UK. Prices are what families pay on PrimeCarers, with our fee included.
The short answer
Price the week, take off your parent's share, then divide the rest
Families argue about money most when nobody has written the numbers down. Five steps turn it into a figure everybody can see.
- 1
Price the care for one week
The billHours a week times the hourly price, or the weekly live-in price. Carers on PrimeCarers charge £18 to £25 an hour, and live-in care starts at £1,050 a week, with our fee included. - 2
Take off what your parent pays
Their money firstFrom their pension, benefits and savings. Care is normally paid for out of the parent's own money, so this may be most of the bill. - 3
Choose how to share the rest
One method for everybodyEqually, by income, or equally with caring hours counted. The calculator below shows all three side by side. - 4
Write it down
Before anybody paysA one-page note, sent to everybody, saying what each person pays and how. - 5
Set a date to look at it again
Every six months, or soonerNeeds change, jobs change, and so does what is fair.
No law in the UK makes adult children pay for a parent's care, so any share you agree is a choice. Do I have to pay for my parent's care? covers that, and why it is usually safer to pay the carer directly rather than put money into your parent's account.
Work out each share
See what each of you would pay, three ways
Put in the care, what your parent pays, and two to four of you. Each person can have their take-home pay, or a share you have agreed, and the unpaid hours they already give.
3. Each person's share
Equal
- Sibling 1£40.86 a week£177.06 a month
- Sibling 2£40.86 a week£177.06 a month
- Sibling 3£40.86 a week£177.06 a month
By income
- Sibling 1£61.29 a week£265.59 a month
- Sibling 2£40.86 a week£177.06 a month
- Sibling 3£20.43 a week£88.53 a month
Equal, hours counted
- Sibling 1£0 a week£0 a month
- Sibling 2£61.29 a week£265.59 a month
- Sibling 3£61.29 a week£265.59 a month
In the third split, each person's hours are counted at your figure and added to the bill, and the total is shared equally. Anyone whose hours already cover their share pays no cash. A month here is a week times 52, divided by 12.
A starting point for a family conversation, not advice. Real bills depend on the carer you choose and the hours you book.
Monthly figures are the weekly figure times 52, divided by 12, because months are not all four weeks long. If the bill is more than about 35 hours of visits a week, compare it with live-in care, which covers nights as well. The pricing page shows what the price includes.
Three ways to split it
Three ways to split it, and when each one feels fair
Each method suits a different family. The test is whether everybody can say yes to it out loud, and still say yes in a year.
| How it works | When it suits | What to watch for | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Equal | The gap divided by the number of you. | You earn roughly the same and give roughly the same time. | Hard on a sibling on a low income or one already doing the caring. |
| By income | Each pays in proportion to take-home pay, or to shares you agree. | Incomes differ a lot, and the higher earners are happy to carry more. | Agree one measure of income. Paying more does not buy a bigger say. |
| Equal, hours counted | Unpaid hours are given a value and count towards that person's equal share. | One of you lives nearby and gives hours the others cannot. | The hourly value is yours to agree. A high figure can mean the others pay all the cash. |
Equal
- How it works
- The gap divided by the number of you.
- When it suits
- You earn roughly the same and give roughly the same time.
- What to watch for
- Hard on a sibling on a low income or one already doing the caring.
By income
- How it works
- Each pays in proportion to take-home pay, or to shares you agree.
- When it suits
- Incomes differ a lot, and the higher earners are happy to carry more.
- What to watch for
- Agree one measure of income. Paying more does not buy a bigger say.
Equal, hours counted
- How it works
- Unpaid hours are given a value and count towards that person's equal share.
- When it suits
- One of you lives nearby and gives hours the others cannot.
- What to watch for
- The hourly value is yours to agree. A high figure can mean the others pay all the cash.
You can mix them: split the money by income, and count hours on top. Whatever you choose, use the same method for everybody.
Sharing the money is only one part of sharing the care. Sharing the care between siblings covers the rota and who does which jobs, and if you cannot agree on the care itself, start with when siblings disagree about a parent's care.
Counting caring hours
Counting the hours one of you already gives
The sibling who lives ten minutes away often gives hours every week that never appear on a bill. Counting them is how many families make an equal split feel fair.
Count the hours, not the visits
From a fortnight written down
Agree what an hour counts as
Your family's choice
Hours reduce cash, they do not earn it
How the calculator treats them
If one of you gives up work
A different arrangement
If the plan is for your parent to pay one of you, read can my mum pay me to care for her? before agreeing it, because it affects that sibling's tax, benefits and sometimes employment status.
Putting it in writing
Put it in writing before the first payment
A family agreement does not need a solicitor. It needs to say plainly what each person agreed, so that in a year nobody has to remember.
What to write down
0 of 8 ticked
The money
The hours
When things change
Send the note to everybody, and keep it with your parent's papers. If one of you holds a lasting power of attorney and pays care from your parent's account, keep that separate from what the siblings put in.
Inheritance tax
Regular payments from your income and inheritance tax
Money you give towards a parent's care is a gift from you. Most gifts count towards your own estate for inheritance tax if you die within seven years, but regular payments from income can be exempt.
A standing order of the same amount each month, from a salary or pension, fits the rule better than a lump sum from savings. Your executors would have to show it met the tests, so the written agreement and a simple record of your income and payments help. For larger sums, ask an accountant or a solicitor.
Questions
Questions about splitting care costs
Take what your parent pays from their own income and savings off the weekly bill first. Then share what is left equally, in proportion to what each of you earns, or equally with the unpaid hours one of you gives counted as part of their share. Write down whichever you choose.
No. No law in the UK makes adult children pay for a parent's care. The parent's own money is assessed, and the council helps where it falls short. Anything you put in is your choice. Do I have to pay for my parent's care? has the detail.
There is no official or legal figure. It is for your family to agree. Some use what a paid carer would cost, some a lower amount. The calculator starts at the low end of what carers on PrimeCarers charge, and you can change it.
Many families split by income for that reason. Agree one measure, such as take-home pay a month, and agree that paying more does not mean a bigger say in your parent's care.
It is a gift from you, but regular payments from your income can be exempt if they are part of a normal pattern and leave you enough to live on in your usual way. Gov.uk gives financial support to an elderly relative as an example. Keep a record of the payments and your income.