Live-in care with family in the house: who does what, and how to share the home

The client contract sets out how instructions work. The client gives the carer clear information about your relative's needs, routines and preferences, and may say what outcome they want. The carer treats that as guidance and decides how the care is done. The contract also asks the carer to make reasonable efforts to work with anyone the client or your relative has chosen to speak on their behalf, and a named point of contact is that person.

When a husband and a daughter disagreeSection titled When%20a%20husband%20and%20a%20daughter%20disagree

The carer should not be the person who settles a family disagreement. Talk it through between yourselves, away from the carer, and let the point of contact pass on what has been decided. If your relative can make the decision themselves, it is theirs to make. The Mental Capacity Act 2005 says a person must be assumed to have capacity unless it is established that they lack it, and that making an unwise decision does not by itself mean they lack capacity.

If your relative cannot make a particular decision, a family member who holds a lasting power of attorney for health and welfare can make decisions about things like their daily routine, washing, dressing and eating, but only when your relative is unable to make those decisions themselves. Tell the carer who holds one, if anyone does. If the family cannot agree about something serious, that is a matter for a solicitor or the council's adult social care team, not for the carer.

On the carer's own food, do live-in carers buy their own food? has the full answer and a weekly budget figure. In short, a carer living in your relative's home eats with the household, and the household provides the food, either on the shop or through a separate budget.

Cooking for the whole family is a different matter. Nothing in the client contract or in our published guidance makes a live-in carer cook for anyone other than the person they care for. Some carers are happy to make one meal for everybody, since your relative may enjoy eating with the family more than eating alone. Others would rather keep to the meals they are there for. Ask, and do not assume. If the carer agrees, write down which meals it covers, and agree whether it changes their rate, because the contract says the services are what the client and carer agree between them.

Give the carer a shelf in the fridge and a cupboard of their own, and tell them when the kitchen is busiest, so your relative's meals can be planned around it. Keep your relative's diet written down where everyone in the house can see it.

Housework is for your relative, not the whole houseSection titled Housework%20is%20for%20your%20relative%2C%20not%20the%20whole%20house

A live-in carer keeps your relative's laundry, bedding and the rooms they use in good order, and clears up after the meals they cook. A clean of the whole house, and other people's washing, sit outside that. Do live-in carers do housework? sets out where the line sits and what is a job for a cleaner. In a house with several adults, each person keeps their own room and does their own washing, the same as before the carer arrived.

Their room is privateSection titled Their%20room%20is%20private

A live-in carer needs their own bedroom with a door that closes. Where do live-in carers sleep? covers what the room needs. In a family house, the harder part is keeping it private. Nobody goes in without knocking and being asked, and that includes children, who will want to see the new person's things.

Their break is theirsSection titled Their%20break%20is%20theirs

A live-in carer takes time to themselves every day. The client contract leaves the timing and structure of that rest to the carer, and says it is not monitored or directed by the client. The live-in carer's daily break explains how to work out whether your relative can be on their own for it, and who can sit with them if not. When family members are at home, they are the obvious people to cover the break, and the carer's free time is not for their errands. What are live-in carers entitled to? covers the room, food, breaks and time away in full.

When a husband or wife needs help as wellSection titled When%20a%20husband%20or%20wife%20needs%20help%20as%20well

A carer making two cups of tea instead of one is being a good housemate. A carer helping a husband to shower every morning, or giving him his tablets, is caring for a second person, and that should be agreed and priced openly. The couple figure above includes our fee, and it is higher because the carer is doing more. Live-in care for couples explains how that works and when one carer can safely look after two people, and why it costs more for couples goes into the difference.

If you are not sure whether your relative's husband or wife needs care, ask the council. Anyone can ask adult social services for a free needs assessment, and it can be done for them in their own right. If a husband, wife, son or daughter in the house is doing some of the caring themselves, they can ask for a carer's assessment, which is free for anyone over 18 and can be done at the same time as your relative's.

Children and grandchildren in the houseSection titled Children%20and%20grandchildren%20in%20the%20house

Children in the house can be good company for your relative, and they bring a few practical points to settle. Medicines need to be kept somewhere children cannot reach, and the carer should know where that is. Toys on the stairs and in the hall are a trip risk for somebody using a frame or a stick, so agree where they are kept. Children should know that the carer's room is private and that the carer is not there to look after them.

If you want a camera in the houseSection titled If%20you%20want%20a%20camera%20in%20the%20house

If you want a camera in the house, talk to your relative first and tell the carer before they arrive. The Care Quality Commission's guidance for families says you should only use recording equipment to check somebody's care with the permission of the person being cared for, or, if they cannot give it, be sure you are acting in their best interests. The Information Commissioner's Office says that if a household routinely monitors a visiting worker, such as a nanny, data protection law applies, and workers must be told about monitoring except in very exceptional circumstances. If you are unsure where you stand, take advice before you install anything. A camera never belongs in the carer's own room.

The bathroom and the eveningsSection titled The%20bathroom%20and%20the%20evenings

If there is a second bathroom or a downstairs toilet, say which one the carer uses. In the evening the carer needs somewhere to be that is not your relative's bedside or the middle of a family film, so a chair and a small television in their room is a kind thing to offer.

The agreement does not replace the plan for your relative's care. How to establish a routine with a live-in carer goes through writing that plan, hour by hour. The house agreement sits next to it and covers the household: who the carer deals with, the kitchen, the rooms and the people. How does live-in care work? gives the wider picture of a live-in day if you are still deciding.

A message or an email that you and the carer both reply to is enough, and it gives both sides something to point to later.

When you are ready, search live-in carers near you and read their profiles and reviews. Every carer on PrimeCarers has had an identity check, a right to work check and an enhanced DBS check on the Update Service, and an online interview. What they say about their experience is their own account, so ask about it. The cost of live-in care sets out what a week costs, from £1,050 with our fee included.