The first days after a death at home, and support for the family

An NHS community nursing leaflet puts it plainly: there is no rush to make the call, and you can take the time you need to say the things you want to say. There is no need to ring 999 when the death was expected. If a carer is in the house, ask them whether they can stay while you make the calls, let the nurse in, or sit with you. They are not the person who confirms the death.

Verifying a death means a doctor or a trained nurse checks that the person has died. Marie Curie explains what happens during verification, and some people prefer to leave the room while it is done. It is a different step from the medical certificate of cause of death, which only a doctor can complete and which comes later.

There are a few practical things the nursing team will want left alone. Guidance from the Royal Free London NHS Foundation Trust says equipment your relative was using should stay in place until a healthcare professional advises, that a syringe pump is disconnected by the professional who comes to confirm the death, and that unused medicines should go to a pharmacy to be disposed of safely. Your own nursing team may do things slightly differently, so ask them.

Not all of this falls on you. A doctor completes the certificate, the medical examiner's office rings you, and the registrar and the funeral director each tell you what they need. Everything in the "what can wait" boxes above can be left. The government has its own step by step guide to what to do when someone dies, which carries on past the first two months into the estate.

1. 1

   The doctor completes the medical certificate of cause of death

   Within a few days

   A doctor who attended your relative in their lifetime, usually their GP, completes the certificate. GOV.UK says this can take a few days. Citizens Advice says that if a doctor is unsure about the cause of death they cannot complete it, and the death is reported to a coroner instead.
2. 2

   The medical examiner's office contacts you

   Before you can register

   A medical examiner is a senior doctor who was not involved in your relative's care. Their office will contact you to explain the cause of death and answer questions about it or about the care your relative received. Speaking to them is voluntary.
3. 3

   You register the death

   Within 5 days of the go-ahead

   Once the medical examiner's office has confirmed you can register, you have five days, and weekends and bank holidays count. If you need longer, tell the register office straight away. A relative usually registers the death.
4. 4

   The registrar gives you the green form and a Tell Us Once number

   At the appointment

   The certificate for burial or cremation, called the green form, goes to the funeral director. The registrar explains Tell Us Once, which reports the death to most government organisations in one go.

The medical examiner is the newest part of this. Since 9 September 2024 it has been a legal requirement in England and Wales that every death not referred to a coroner is independently checked by a medical examiner before it can be registered. The government describes the purpose in its announcement of the change: families get the chance to raise questions or concerns with a senior doctor who was not involved in the care of the person who died. If something about the last weeks has troubled you, that conversation is the place to say it. If nothing has, it can be a short call.

GOV.UK explains how to register a death and find a register office. Citizens Advice suggests getting more than one death certificate, because banks and other organisations each want an original. Tell Us Once must be used within 28 days of getting the reference number. The funeral can usually only take place once the death is registered, and GOV.UK's page on arranging a funeral covers choosing a funeral director, doing it yourself, and help with the cost.

The client contract between a family and a carer on PrimeCarers says nothing specific about the death of the person being cared for. So the visits still booked, and any notice, are for your family and the carer to settle under the contract's usual terms. Those are the terms that apply to ending an arrangement for any reason. Either side can end it with 48 hours' notice for hourly care. For live-in care the notice is seven days once the carer has been present for 168 hours, and 48 hours before that. The notice period applies only to visits already agreed.

On payment, the contract says that where the client cancels, the full cost is payable, with the exception of unplanned hospitalisation, illness, or another reason agreed between the client and the carer. A death is not named in that list, so it falls to you and the carer to agree. PrimeCarers charges nothing itself when an arrangement ends, may help the two of you communicate, and does not decide the outcome. The full wording is in the client and carer contract, and ending live-in care covers the final week of a placement in more detail.

Caring shapes a day around somebody else: the medicines at eight, the turn at two, the nights listening for a change. When it stops, the time comes back all at once, and there is nothing in it. Carers UK describes this in its guide to life after caring: once caring ends, exhaustion, both physical and emotional, can catch up with people and leave them feeling unwell or run down for a while, and it can be hard to know what to do next. It also says there is no need to rush into decisions about the rest of your life. If you were caring for a husband, wife or partner, caring for a spouse covers the other side of that role.

The money changes too, and one part of it has a clock on it. You must tell the Department for Work and Pensions if the person you were caring for dies, and GOV.UK says to do that through Tell Us Once rather than the usual Carer's Allowance change form. The allowance does not stop on the day: under the DWP decision makers' guide, it can continue for up to eight weeks after the death. Carers UK says a carer addition paid within Pension Credit, Housing Benefit or Council Tax Support can also continue for up to eight weeks, but the award will need recalculating, so contact the offices that pay you as soon as you can. Carer's Allowance explained covers the allowance itself.

Where one parent was caring for the other, the parent left behind may now need care that the person who died was giving. That is a different emergency, with its own first week, and when the parent who did the caring dies first goes through it. For a parent left living alone, company after a bereavement covers the months after the funeral, when the visitors stop.

The NHS page on grief after bereavement or loss describes what grief can feel like and when to get medical help. It suggests talking about how you feel to somebody you trust, and not trying to do everything at once. It also describes prolonged grief, where the feelings do not get easier as the months go by, and says to see a GP if that sounds like you. Cruse Bereavement Support is the national bereavement charity. GOV.UK has a page to find bereavement services from your local council.

Children and grandchildren grieve too, and they may show it differently from adults; the NHS has advice on children and bereavement for the adults around them.

In time, it can help to look back at the care itself: who came, what worked, and what they would want another family to know. The guide to end of life care at home is where this page sits, and it describes the whole arrangement from the first weeks. If you were the main carer and are finding the weeks after hard, how to look after yourself as a carer is written for you as well, even now.