The short answer
- Rules about the home are yours to agreeWho comes into the house, where people can smoke, and when the house is quiet are reasonable things for a household to decide.
- How the carer works is theirsA self-employed carer decides how they carry out the care and how they use their break. You can say what you would like to happen for your relative, but not direct how.
- Agree them before day one, in writingA short written list, agreed with the carer before they arrive, helps avoid misunderstandings and gives both of you something to point to.
- Safety comes firstIf a carer is drunk while caring, brings someone into the house who frightens your relative, or you no longer trust them, the contract lets you ask them to leave.
PrimeCarers is an introductory platform, not a care agency, and holds no CQC registration. Carers on PrimeCarers are self-employed: you agree the arrangement with them directly.
A live-in carer lives in your relative's home for the length of their stay, so the house is both your relative's home and the carer's home for that time. Agreeing how the house works is part of setting up the placement, alongside the room, the food and the daily break. What live-in carers are entitled to covers the room, food and time off, and live-in care with family in the house covers sharing the house with relatives who live there.
Whose rules are whose
What the household decides, and what the carer decides
Carers on PrimeCarers are self-employed. The standard contract between you and the carer says you may specify the outcomes you want, but may not direct or supervise how the carer performs the care. House rules sit comfortably alongside that: they are about the home, not about how the care is done.
| Reasonable for the household to agree | For the carer to decide | |
|---|---|---|
| Visitors | Whether visitors can come into the house, and whether anyone can stay overnight | Who they see and where they go on their break, away from the house |
| Smoking and vaping | Whether anyone can smoke or vape inside the house or in the garden | Whether they smoke at all, off the premises and in their own time |
| Time | Quiet hours, and when the main rooms are used | When to take their rest, within the arrangement you agreed |
| The care itself | The outcomes you want for your relative, and the tasks agreed | How they carry out the care, and whether a task is safe for them to do |
Visitors
- Reasonable for the household to agree
- Whether visitors can come into the house, and whether anyone can stay overnight
- For the carer to decide
- Who they see and where they go on their break, away from the house
Smoking and vaping
- Reasonable for the household to agree
- Whether anyone can smoke or vape inside the house or in the garden
- For the carer to decide
- Whether they smoke at all, off the premises and in their own time
Time
- Reasonable for the household to agree
- Quiet hours, and when the main rooms are used
- For the carer to decide
- When to take their rest, within the arrangement you agreed
The care itself
- Reasonable for the household to agree
- The outcomes you want for your relative, and the tasks agreed
- For the carer to decide
- How they carry out the care, and whether a task is safe for them to do
The standard contract also says the carer is responsible for managing their own rest breaks, and may stop work if they reasonably believe conditions are unsafe.
Thinking about it this way keeps the conversation fair. House rules like these are the kind of thing any household might ask of a lodger or a guest. Rules that reach into how the carer does the care, or how they spend their time off away from the house, are a different matter.
Visitors and guests
Agree whether the carer can have visitors, and whether anyone can stay
A carer who is away from their own home for weeks may want to see a friend or family member during a stay. Whether that happens in your relative's home is for the household to decide, and it is better decided before the carer arrives than on the doorstep.
Questions to settle about visitors
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Daytime visitors
Overnight guests
Your own visitors
Whatever you agree, write it down. A rule that is only in somebody's head is easy to remember differently a fortnight later.
Smoking, vaping, alcohol
Agree where people can smoke or vape, and say what you expect about alcohol
These are the rules most worth settling before a carer is chosen, because they can decide whether a particular carer is right for the household. Say what you expect when you first message carers, so that nobody is surprised.
Smoking and vaping indoors
The household decides
Smoking on a break
Away from the house
Alcohol while caring
A plain expectation
Alcohol in their own time
Agree what is reasonable
You can include your smoking, vaping and alcohol rules when you post a job or message carers, so that you only speak to carers who are comfortable with them. How to interview a live-in carer covers the questions worth asking before you choose.
Phones, car, kitchen
Agree the everyday things: phones, the car, the kitchen and quiet hours
Small, ordinary things can cause friction in a shared house. A few minutes spent on them before the first day saves awkward conversations later.
- 1
Phones while caring
Agree what is reasonableA live-in carer may use their phone to keep in touch with their own family. Agree that care comes first while they are with your relative, and that longer calls happen on their break. - 2
The car
Insurance firstIf the carer will drive your relative in your relative's car, check the insurance covers them before they drive. If they use their own car, mileage is only payable if you agree it in advance, in writing. - 3
The kitchen and food
What they can useSay which food is for everyone, whether the carer cooks for themselves or eats what your relative eats, and how the food budget works. - 4
Quiet hours and the shared rooms
Sleep mattersThe carer may be up with your relative at night, so agree when the house is quiet, and where they can sit in the evening if the family uses the sitting room. - 5
Security
Doors, alarms and keysWho locks up at night, the alarm code, and where spare keys are kept.
Can a live-in carer take a client out in a car covers driving and insurance in detail, do live-in carers buy their own food covers the food budget, and does a live-in carer need the internet covers wifi, phones and privacy.
Writing it down
Write the house rules down and agree them together
A short list on one page is enough. Agree it with the carer before they arrive, leave a copy in the house, and give the same list to every carer who stays, so the house works the same way whoever is there.
A one-page house rules list
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The house
Everyday arrangements
People to contact
When a rule is broken
What to do when a house rule is broken
A broken rule may be a misunderstanding that a calm conversation settles. Some are about safety, and those need a quicker response. The contract allows for both.
- 1
Talk about it the same day
First stepSay what you noticed and refer to what you agreed. Ask whether the rule needs changing or whether it was missed. - 2
Write down what happened
If it happens againDates, times and what was said. It helps if you later decide to end the arrangement. - 3
Give notice if it cannot be fixed
Under the standard contractFor live-in care, notice is 48 hours until the carer has worked 168 hours, then 7 days, on either side. - 4
Ask the carer to leave if safety is at risk
Straight awayFor safety concerns, serious misconduct or a breakdown in trust, the contract lets you require a live-in carer to leave the premises. The carer should make reasonable efforts to leave within a practicable period, and any payment already owed is still due.
If you think your relative has been harmed or put at risk, make sure they are safe first. For a medical emergency call 999. PrimeCarers is an introductory platform: we cannot send help or respond to an emergency. Handling problems with a carer and ending live-in care set out the next steps.
Questions
Questions families ask about house rules for a live-in carer
That is for the household to decide. Agree before the carer arrives whether visitors can come into the house, where, and with how much notice, and whether anyone can stay overnight. Think about how your relative will feel about a stranger in the house.
Only if the household agrees. The carer's room is part of your relative's home, and keys and codes are for the people caring for your relative. If you do agree, decide it case by case.
You can ask that nobody smokes or vapes in the house or the garden. Whether a carer smokes in their own time, away from the house, is for them. Say what you expect in your first message, so you only talk to carers who are comfortable with it.
Not while caring. A live-in carer is also on hand overnight, so agree at the start whether a drink in their own time is acceptable in your home.
You can say what you would like to happen for your relative and agree the tasks. Under the standard contract you may specify outcomes, but not direct or supervise how a self-employed carer performs the care.
Talk about it the same day, and write down what happened if it repeats. If it cannot be fixed, give notice. For safety concerns, serious misconduct or a breakdown in trust, the standard contract lets you end the arrangement immediately and require a live-in carer to leave, within a practicable period. Any payment already owed to the carer is still due. Handling problems with a carer sets out the steps.