Keeping a Care Diary for a Parent: What to Write Down

The short answer

Write down what happened, with the date and timeSleep, food and drink, falls, confusion, the toilet, pain, mood, medicines and visits, plus how long you spent helping.
It shows a change before it becomes a crisisLess drinking, worse nights and new confusion across a few days can point to an infection that needs a doctor.
Assessors and the DWP ask for this informationThe Attendance Allowance notes suggest keeping a 24-hour record of a good day and a bad day, and say you can send it with the form.
Keep it private and write it kindlyIt is a record about a person. Write it as if they might read it, and keep it somewhere only the people helping can see.

A care diary is different from a care plan. The plan says what should happen; the diary records what did.

What to write down

What to write down, and why each entry matters

You do not need to write much. A line or two for each of these, with the date and roughly the time, is enough to show a pattern.

If you are caring for a parent at home, you are the person who sees the whole day. A GP sees ten minutes of it, and an assessor sees an hour on a day when your parent may be making a special effort. The diary fills that gap. It is not the same document as a care plan, which sets out what your parent needs and who does it. The plan is written in advance, and the diary is written as things happen.

Sleep and nights

When they went to bed, how often they got up and why, and any wandering or calling out. Benefit forms ask about help at night separately.

Eating and drinking

Roughly what they ate, and how many drinks they finished rather than how many were made. Drinking less can be an early sign of illness.

Falls and near-misses

Where, when, what they were doing and whether they were hurt. A stumble that did not end in a fall belongs here too.

Confusion, and when it is worse

What they said or did, and the time of day. Confusion that comes on over a few days is different from a slow change over months, and the doctor needs to know which it is.

The toilet and continence

Accidents, a strong smell, or passing much less urine than usual. It is uncomfortable to write down, but it matters for spotting an infection.

Pain

Where it hurts and when. If they can, ask them to score it out of ten, so you can compare one week with the next.

Mood

Low, anxious, tearful, cheerful, or not wanting to see anyone. A change in mood can be a sign of illness.

Medicines given or refused

What was taken, what was missed and why. If tablets are often refused, tell the GP or pharmacist.

Visits from professionals

Who came, when, and what they did or said, so you know who has already been told what.

How long each task takes you

Getting them up, washed and dressed, meals, medicines, laundry and nights. A carer's assessment needs to see this.

Add up the times at the end of a week. If they show you are doing more than you can keep up, you can search for carers near you and compare their rates, and the diary will show a new carer what the days look like.

Spotting a change

How a diary shows a change, such as an infection

One bad afternoon means little on its own. The same thing written down across several days is a pattern, and a pattern is what a doctor can act on.

Example only: an invented week for a fictional mother, aged 84, who lives alone

What was noted	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat	Sun
Night	Up once at 3am for the loo	Slept through	Up twice	Up four times, trying the front door at 2am (pointed to a change)	Up three times (pointed to a change)	Up once	Slept through
Eating and drinking	Porridge, half a sandwich, fish pie. 5 drinks	Toast, soup, most of dinner. 5 drinks	Left most of lunch. 3 drinks (pointed to a change)	2 drinks all day (pointed to a change)	Sips only in the morning. 4 drinks after	Breakfast and lunch. 6 drinks	Full roast. 6 drinks
Mood and confusion	Cheerful, did the crossword	Fine in the day. Unsure what day it was at 6pm	Tired and flat. Asked for Dad twice after tea (pointed to a change)	Very muddled from mid-afternoon, did not know me for a while at 5pm (pointed to a change)	Calmer in the morning, muddled again by evening (pointed to a change)	Brighter, asked about the garden	Back to her usual self
Toilet	No accidents	No accidents	Wet pad in the morning (pointed to a change)	Wet twice, urine smelt strong (pointed to a change)	Wet once	Dry	Dry
Medicines	All taken	All taken	Refused evening tablets, said they were the wrong ones	Morning taken, evening refused	Antibiotics started 2pm, all doses taken	All taken, antibiotics day 2	All taken
Falls, pain, visits	District nurse 10am, leg dressing	Left knee sore on the stairs, she said 4 out of 10	Stumbled in the hall, did not fall	Rang the GP surgery at 11am	GP home visit, urine sample taken	Nothing to note	My sister visited 2 to 4pm
My time helping	2 hrs 30 min	2 hrs 15 min	3 hrs 30 min	5 hrs	6 hrs	3 hrs	2 hrs

Mon

Night: Up once at 3am for the loo
Eating and drinking: Porridge, half a sandwich, fish pie. 5 drinks
Mood and confusion: Cheerful, did the crossword
Toilet: No accidents
Medicines: All taken
Falls, pain, visits: District nurse 10am, leg dressing
My time helping: 2 hrs 30 min

Tue

Night: Slept through
Eating and drinking: Toast, soup, most of dinner. 5 drinks
Mood and confusion: Fine in the day. Unsure what day it was at 6pm
Toilet: No accidents
Medicines: All taken
Falls, pain, visits: Left knee sore on the stairs, she said 4 out of 10
My time helping: 2 hrs 15 min

Wed

Night: Up twice
Eating and drinking: Left most of lunch. 3 drinks (pointed to a change)
Mood and confusion: Tired and flat. Asked for Dad twice after tea (pointed to a change)
Toilet: Wet pad in the morning (pointed to a change)
Medicines: Refused evening tablets, said they were the wrong ones
Falls, pain, visits: Stumbled in the hall, did not fall
My time helping: 3 hrs 30 min

Thu

Night: Up four times, trying the front door at 2am (pointed to a change)
Eating and drinking: 2 drinks all day (pointed to a change)
Mood and confusion: Very muddled from mid-afternoon, did not know me for a while at 5pm (pointed to a change)
Toilet: Wet twice, urine smelt strong (pointed to a change)
Medicines: Morning taken, evening refused
Falls, pain, visits: Rang the GP surgery at 11am
My time helping: 5 hrs

Fri

Night: Up three times (pointed to a change)
Eating and drinking: Sips only in the morning. 4 drinks after
Mood and confusion: Calmer in the morning, muddled again by evening (pointed to a change)
Toilet: Wet once
Medicines: Antibiotics started 2pm, all doses taken
Falls, pain, visits: GP home visit, urine sample taken
My time helping: 6 hrs

Sat

Night: Up once
Eating and drinking: Breakfast and lunch. 6 drinks
Mood and confusion: Brighter, asked about the garden
Toilet: Dry
Medicines: All taken, antibiotics day 2
Falls, pain, visits: Nothing to note
My time helping: 3 hrs

Sun

Night: Slept through
Eating and drinking: Full roast. 6 drinks
Mood and confusion: Back to her usual self
Toilet: Dry
Medicines: All taken
Falls, pain, visits: My sister visited 2 to 4pm
My time helping: 2 hrs

Shaded: entries that pointed to a changeFamily time this week: 24 hrs 15 min

Read across the rows from Wednesday. She drank less and her nights got worse, and she was more confused in the late afternoon and evening than in the morning. When the GP surgery asked how long this had been going on, the answer was already written down. The bottom row shows how much more of the family's time that week took.

In older people and people with dementia, the NHS lists new or worse confusion or agitation, and wetting themselves more than usual, among the signs of a urine infection. A diary lets you tell the GP when it started and how it has changed. Our guide to urine infections and sudden confusion in older people explains what to watch for and what the GP may do.

Appointments and claims

How the diary helps at the GP, at assessments and with benefit claims

The same notes serve several purposes. Each of these people is trying to understand daily life at home, and none of them lives with your parent.

	What they are looking at	What to show them
GP or memory clinic	Symptoms, and when they started	Confusion, sleep, mood and falls, with dates
Council needs assessment	What your parent can and cannot do	Tasks they needed help with, and how long each took
Carer's assessment	The effect caring has on you	Your hours each day, and your nights
Attendance Allowance or PIP	Help needed with personal care and supervision	A good day and a bad day, through 24 hours
NHS continuing healthcare	Health needs across 12 areas	Behaviour, continence, drinking, medicines and nights

GP or memory clinic

What they are looking at: Symptoms, and when they started
What to show them: Confusion, sleep, mood and falls, with dates

Council needs assessment

What they are looking at: What your parent can and cannot do
What to show them: Tasks they needed help with, and how long each took

Carer's assessment

What they are looking at: The effect caring has on you
What to show them: Your hours each day, and your nights

Attendance Allowance or PIP

What they are looking at: Help needed with personal care and supervision
What to show them: A good day and a bad day, through 24 hours

NHS continuing healthcare

What they are looking at: Health needs across 12 areas
What to show them: Behaviour, continence, drinking, medicines and nights

Hand over a copy and keep the original. A short summary on the front page helps.

At the GP or a memory clinic. The NHS suggests someone who knows your parent well goes with them to describe the changes, and the Alzheimer's Society suggests keeping a diary of the problems. Dates and examples help more than a general sense that things are worse. Our guide to getting a dementia diagnosis covers what happens at the appointment and after a referral.

At a needs assessment. The NHS advises giving as much detail as you can about everyday tasks, even small ones, and a diary shows what a single visit may not. Read how a care needs assessment works before the visit.

At a carer's assessment. This looks at how caring affects you. Carers UK suggests noting when you start caring each day, what you do and how long each task takes. See what a carer's assessment is and how to ask for one.

For an Attendance Allowance or PIP claim. The Attendance Allowance claim form has separate questions about help in the day and help at night. The notes that come with the form suggest recording what your parent needed help with over 24 hours, from getting up one morning to the next, and doing it for a good day and a bad day if their condition varies. They say you can send the record with the form. For PIP, which is usually claimed before State Pension age, gov.uk says to include supporting documents such as care plans or information from people involved in your care. See our guides to Attendance Allowance and PIP.

At a continuing healthcare assessment. For NHS continuing healthcare, a team looks at needs such as behaviour, continence, nutrition and medicines, and the NHS says the views of carers and family should be taken into account. Dated examples support what you tell them.

How to keep it

How to keep it: paper or shared, with dates, times and facts

The best format is the one you will keep up. A notebook by the kettle works, and so does a shared note on your phones if more than one of you is helping.

A paper notebook is simple and your parent can see it. If brothers, sisters or friends share the caring, a shared note means everyone writes in the same place, and it can settle disagreements about how your parent is managing because the notes show what each person saw. Our guides to sharing care between siblings and what to do when siblings disagree about a parent's care cover the harder conversations.

Makes the diary useful

The date and the time on every entry
What you saw or heard: "drank two cups of tea by 6pm"
Their own words, in quotation marks, when they tell you something
Good days as well as bad ones, so the pattern is clear
A few minutes at the same time each day, such as after the evening meal

Makes it less useful

Opinions such as "she was being difficult"
Writing up a whole week from memory on a Sunday
Only recording the bad days, which can look like exaggeration
Guessing at a diagnosis, which is for the doctor
Leaving it in a place where visitors can read it

Privacy and paid carers

Keeping it private, and adding notes from a paid carer

A care diary contains personal details about someone's body, health and state of mind. It deserves the care you would want taken with your own.

Write as if your parent might read it, because they may, and it is their life you are describing. If they can take part, tell them why you are keeping it and ask what they would like included. Keep the diary in a drawer or a private folder rather than on the kitchen table, and share it only with people who need it. Our page on privacy and dignity for an older person has more on this.

When a paid carer starts coming in, you can agree that they add a short note at the end of each visit.

1
Agree it at the start
First visit
Ask the carer whether they are happy to write a few lines after each visit, and agree where the notebook lives.
2
Agree what goes in
A few lines
What they did, what your parent ate and drank, medicines given or refused, and anything that worried them.
3
Read it and add to it
Each day
The family adds their own entries in the same book, so the record covers the whole day and night.
4
Look back each week
Weekly
Read the week together with the carer if you can. It is the easiest way to see whether the visits still fit.

Carers on PrimeCarers are self-employed, so this is agreed between the family and the carer, in a notebook kept in the house or a shared note.

Questions

Questions families ask about keeping a care diary

A care diary is a dated record of how the person you look after is from day to day and what help they needed, including how long each task took. It is different from a care plan, which sets out what should happen.

There is no fixed rule. The Attendance Allowance notes suggest a record over one or two days, covering a good day and a bad day if needs vary. For a GP appointment or a needs assessment, a week or two can show a pattern, and longer helps if problems come and go.

Yes. The notes that come with the claim form suggest a record of the help needed over 24 hours and say you can send it in with the form. Keep a copy for yourself.

It is their personal information, so talk to them first and explain how it helps with the doctor or the council. If they still do not want it, ask whether they would accept a record of medicines and appointments only, and keep whatever you write private.

It helps if they do. Agree at the start that they will add a few lines after each visit about what they did, food and drink, medicines, and anything that worried them. Carers on PrimeCarers are self-employed, so this is arranged between you and the carer.

Keeping a care diary, and why the GP and the council take it seriously