Keeping a care diary, and why the GP and the council take it seriously

If you are caring for a parent at home, you are the person who sees the whole day. A GP sees ten minutes of it, and an assessor sees an hour on a day when your parent may be making an effort. The diary fills that gap. A care plan sets out what your parent needs and who does it in advance; the diary records what happened.

Add up the times each week. If you are doing more than you can keep up, you can search for carers near you and compare their rates, and the diary will show a new carer what the days look like.

In older people and people with dementia, the NHS lists new or worse confusion or agitation, and wetting themselves more than usual, among the signs of a urine infection. A diary lets you tell the GP when it started and how it has changed. Our guide to urine infections and sudden confusion in older people explains what to watch for and what the GP may do.

At the GP or a memory clinic. The NHS suggests someone who knows your parent well goes with them to describe the changes, and the Alzheimer's Society suggests keeping a diary of the problems. Dates and examples help. Our guide to getting a dementia diagnosis covers what happens at the appointment and after a referral.

At a needs assessment. The NHS advises giving as much detail as you can about everyday tasks, even small ones, and a diary shows what a single visit may not. Under the national eligibility rules, the council counts a task as one your parent cannot manage if they need help with it, and also if doing it alone causes them significant pain, distress or anxiety, puts them or someone else at risk, or takes much longer than would normally be expected. Note those moments too, such as "took 40 minutes to dress, out of breath". Read how a care needs assessment works before the visit.

At a carer's assessment. This looks at how caring affects you. Carers UK suggests noting when you start caring each day, what you do and how long each task takes. Add how it affects you: lost sleep, back pain from lifting, time off work, and when you last had a break. See what a carer's assessment is and how to ask for one.

For an Attendance Allowance or PIP claim. The Attendance Allowance claim form has separate questions about help in the day and help at night. The notes that come with the form suggest recording what your parent needed help with over 24 hours, from getting up one morning to the next, and doing it for a good day and a bad day if their condition varies. They say you can send the record with the form. For PIP, gov.uk says to include supporting documents such as care plans. See our guides to Attendance Allowance and PIP.

At a continuing healthcare assessment. For NHS continuing healthcare, a team looks at needs such as behaviour, continence, nutrition and medicines, and the NHS says the views of carers and family should be taken into account.

A paper notebook is simple, and your parent can see what is written about them. If several people take turns helping, a shared note on your phones means everyone writes in the same place.

Write as if your parent might read it, because they may, and it is their life you are describing. If they can take part, tell them why you are keeping it and ask what they would like included. Keep the diary in a drawer or a private folder rather than on the kitchen table, and share it only with people who need it. Our page on privacy and dignity for an older person has more on this.

When a paid carer starts coming in, you can agree that they add a short note at the end of each visit.

1. 1

   Agree it at the start

   First visit

   Ask the carer whether they will write a few lines after each visit.
2. 2

   Agree what goes in

   A few lines

   What they did, food and drink, medicines, and anything that worried them.
3. 3

   Read it and add to it

   Each day

   The family writes in the same book, so the record covers the whole day and night.
4. 4

   Look back each week

   Weekly

   Read the week with the carer to see whether the visits still fit.

Carers on PrimeCarers are self-employed, so this is agreed between the family and the carer.

When everyone reads the same notes, disagreements about how your parent is managing are easier to settle, because the notes show what each person saw. Agree with your parent who else may read it. Our guides to keeping the family informed about a parent's care and holding a family meeting about care cover passing news on and making decisions together. For the harder conversations, see sharing care between siblings and what to do when siblings disagree about a parent's care.

If paid carers found through PrimeCarers visit your parent, their visit reports sit on the Reports tab of your parent's profile in your PrimeCarers account. You can download them as a PDF for the dates you choose, to give to the GP, a social worker or the rest of the family. Relatives you invite to the account with Owner, Family Member or View Only access also get the visit reports by email. The guide to sharing care with family on PrimeCarers explains how inviting relatives works.