Making decisions for a grown-up son or daughter

It can come as a shock if you have signed every form for 18 years. It does not shut you out. The law expects the people around your son or daughter to help them decide, and to consult you when they cannot. What ends is your right to the final word because you are their parent.

The preparation for this starts well before the birthday. What changes at 18, and how to plan the move to adult services covers the transition assessment, education plans and benefits. This guide covers the decisions themselves, within the learning disability family guide and the wider disability care section.

Section 1 of the Act says a person is assumed to have capacity unless it is established that they do not, and is not treated as unable to decide until all practicable steps to help them have been tried, or because a decision looks unwise. Anything done for someone who lacks capacity must be in their best interests, and the less restrictive way of achieving the same purpose must be considered first.

Capacity in the Act is about "a matter" at "the material time". So the question is never whether your son or daughter has capacity in general. It is whether they can make this decision, now. Somebody may be able to choose their support worker and not be able to understand a tenancy agreement. When a professional says your son "lacks capacity", it is fair to ask them which decision they mean.

1. 1

   Understand the information

   Section 3(1)(a)

   The facts that matter for this decision, including what is likely to happen either way. A person who understands an explanation given in simple words, pictures or signs has understood it.
2. 2

   Hold on to it long enough

   Section 3(1)(b)

   Only for as long as it takes to make the decision. Remembering it for a short time is enough, so forgetting it next week does not by itself mean they could not decide.
3. 3

   Use or weigh it

   Section 3(1)(c)

   Put the information together and come to a view. Someone can understand every fact and still be unable to weigh them, and the reverse can also be true.
4. 4

   Communicate the decision

   Section 3(1)(d)

   By talking, signing, pointing to a picture or any other means. A person who cannot speak may be able to show a clear choice.

If a person cannot do any one of those four things for a particular decision, because of an impairment of the mind or brain such as a learning disability, they lack capacity for that decision at that time.

Helping them decide comes before deciding for themSection titled Helping%20them%20decide%20comes%20before%20deciding%20for%20them

This is often called supported decision making. Before anyone concludes your son or daughter cannot decide, they must have tried the things that might help. That can mean explaining one thing at a time, using easy read information or photographs, visiting a place before choosing it, picking a time of day when they are at their best, or having someone they trust in the room.

The easiest mistake to make, with the best of intentions, is answering for your son or daughter before they have had a chance to answer. Mental capacity and how it is assessed covers the test in more detail, and Mencap, the learning disability charity, has a guide to the Mental Capacity Act.

Whoever makes the decision must follow section 4 of the Act. They must consider whether your son or daughter is likely to be able to make the decision later, and if so, whether it can wait. They must encourage them to take part as fully as they can. They must consider their past and present wishes and feelings, and the beliefs and values that would be likely to influence them. And they must, where practicable, consult anyone engaged in caring for them or interested in their welfare, which includes you. Best interests is not the same as what the family would like, or what is safest.

For everyday care, section 5 of the Act gives you legal protection. If you have taken reasonable steps to work out whether your son or daughter can make the decision, reasonably believe they cannot, and act in their best interests, you can help them wash, give them their tablets, or decide which shop to go to, without anyone's permission. The same applies to a support worker. Section 5 does not give anyone access to the person's bank account, or authority to sign a tenancy or other contract in their name, and that is where the tools in the next section come in.

If you are arranging support at home, the carer who spends most time with your son or daughter will be making many of these small decisions. On PrimeCarers the family, or the person themselves, chooses the carer, interviews them first and agrees the routine with them directly, and can keep the same person for as long as it suits both of them. When you are ready, you can search for carers near you and compare their rates: carers on PrimeCarers charge £18 to £25 an hour with our fee included, against £28 to £35 at an agency. There is no way to search for carers by learning disability experience or training. What a carer says about their experience is their own account on their profile, so ask them about it at interview, and what support at home looks like for an adult with a learning disability has more on choosing.

For most everyday and health decisions no formal authority is needed. The formal tools mostly concern money, because a bank will only let somebody else act on an account with written authority. Where your son or daughter can make a lasting power of attorney, it is usually simpler and cheaper than a deputyship, and the choice of who acts is theirs.

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If your son or daughter cannot manage their benefits, you or another person can ask the DWP to make you their appointee. Only one appointee can act for someone. You sign the claim forms, tell the DWP about changes, and spend the money in their best interests. It gives you no authority over any other money, and gov.uk's guide to becoming an appointee explains how to apply. Some banks set a limit on the balance of an account that benefits paid to an appointee go into, and the bank should tell you if so. Benefits for an adult with a learning disability covers the benefits themselves.

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A bank account in your son or daughter's name is theirs. If they can understand what it means to let you use it, a third party mandate is the simplest arrangement, and each bank has its own form. The guidance banks and the government publish together, managing a bank account for someone else, says a mandate is not appropriate where the account holder cannot make the relevant decisions. In that case the bank will ask for a registered LPA or a deputyship order. If the council pays a direct payment and your son or daughter cannot manage it, the council can instead name a "suitable person" to receive and manage that money, and personal assistants and direct payments covers how that works.

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Having a learning disability does not stop someone making a lasting power of attorney. Gov.uk says a person must be 18 or over and have mental capacity when they make it. In broad terms, that means understanding what the LPA is, who they are choosing and what that person could do. Some adults with a learning disability can understand that with a clear explanation, even if they would find managing their money on their own hard. Lasting power of attorney explains the forms and the two kinds. The certificate provider, who confirms your son or daughter understands the document, must be independent of the attorneys, so if there is real doubt about their understanding, ask a solicitor or a GP to be the certificate provider.

A property and affairs deputyship matters most where there is money in your son or daughter's own name beyond benefits, such as savings, compensation or an inheritance. If all their income is benefits, an appointee may be enough, and a solicitor can tell you which applies before you pay a fee.

In practice, health and welfare decisions for an adult who cannot make them are taken by the professional responsible, in their best interests, after consulting you. The court appoints a welfare deputy rarely, and a parent who is consulted, keeps notes and asks for decisions in writing is still heard without one. Where a serious disagreement cannot be settled, such as over where your son or daughter should live, the usual route is an application for the court to make that one decision. The Court of Protection explains how.

Deprivation of liberty, and what changed in 2026Section titled Deprivation%20of%20liberty%2C%20and%20what%20changed%20in%202026

If your son or daughter is not free to leave and cannot consent to their care arrangements, those arrangements may need authorising. On 2 June 2026 the Supreme Court changed the test for when that is a deprivation of liberty. The government's note on the changed definition says it applies immediately, that no single factor now decides it, and that a person who lacks capacity can still give valid consent if they are aware of their situation, have a basic understanding and can express a view. DoLS still apply in hospitals and care homes, and elsewhere authorisation still comes from the Court of Protection. The government has said more guidance will follow, so ask the social worker whether your son or daughter's arrangements are being reviewed. Deprivation of liberty at home covers this in more detail, and if you disagree with a decision, this is a point to take legal advice.

The council decides whether a family member can be the appropriate person. It can decide both a parent and an advocate are needed, for example where there may be a conflict of interest over money or a house. The detail is in chapter 7 of the Care Act statutory guidance.

There is a second kind of advocate under the Mental Capacity Act, an independent mental capacity advocate (IMCA). One must be instructed when the NHS or the council proposes serious medical treatment, or a move into a hospital for more than 28 days or a care home for more than 8 weeks, and there is nobody other than paid staff whom it would be appropriate to consult. If you are involved and willing, you are that person, and an IMCA is not needed.

A discretionary trust holds money for your son or daughter without it belonging to them, and trustees decide how and when to use it. Set up correctly, it does not usually count in means tests. In England, council charging for care counts capital, and above £23,250 a person pays for their own care in full. Gov.uk explains the types of trust, but the drafting is specialist work: ask a solicitor whether they write trusts for families of disabled people before you instruct them. When the parents can no longer cope sets out wills, trusts, deputyship succession and the conversation with brothers and sisters in more detail.