The short answer
- Eating less is part of dyingThe body slows down and needs less energy. Marie Curie says that when someone is dying, how much they eat and drink will not change how long they live.
- Offer small amounts, and never forceLet them lead, and accept a closed mouth or a turned head as an answer.
- Mouth care is the main comfort at the endA dry mouth is what tends to cause discomfort once drinking stops. NICE says frequent care of the mouth and lips should be offered, and families can help with it.
- A drip is a clinical decision made with youNICE says the benefits and risks should be discussed with the person and their family. In the last days it is uncertain whether a drip lengthens life, or whether going without one shortens it.
Checked in September 2026 against the NHS, NICE guideline NG31 on care of dying adults in the last days of life, Marie Curie and Hospice UK. It is general information: the nurse or GP who knows your relative should always be asked.
Why appetite fades
Why someone stops wanting to eat and drink as they are dying
Families often notice the change at meals first, when a plate comes back untouched. It helps to know what is happening in the body, because the reasons are physical, and they are not a failure of anybody's care.
The body is slowing down
Food can no longer be used
Tiredness and weakness
Taste, sickness and a sore mouth
The NHS says not wanting to eat is common in people who are dying, and that although it can be upsetting for the family to see, they do not need to make the person eat. Marie Curie's guide to eating and drinking less at the end of life adds that giving someone more food than they want may make them uncomfortable. If you worry that the doctors and nurses have given up, Marie Curie says their focus has moved to making the person as comfortable as possible.
Thirst is the harder worry for most families, because we all know how it feels to be thirsty. Hospice UK says that if someone stops drinking and their mouth looks dry, this does not necessarily mean they are dehydrated. A dry mouth can be eased with mouth care, covered below. If your relative does seem thirsty or distressed, tell the nurse, who will want to assess it.
Eating less is a common sign that someone is coming towards the end of their life, but Marie Curie says it can have other causes, so if you are not sure, ask the GP or the nurse. End-of-life care at home sets out who those people are and how care at home fits together, and the end of life care section has the rest of the guides for families at this stage.
What helps at each stage
What helps as eating and drinking slow down, stage by stage
The change usually comes in steps, and what you offer at each step is different. Find where your relative is now, and see what may come next.
What helps at each stage, from eating less to mouth care alone
At every stage, food and drink are offered and never pressed. Follow their lead, and let them stop when they want to.
Stage 1: Eating less than they used to
What you may see
Portions left half eaten, food that tastes different, and meals that feel like hard work. Their weight may start to fall.
What helps
- Small portions on a small plate, offered when they feel like eating rather than at set times
- Their favourite foods kept ready, even if the favourites keep changing
- Company at the table, with no comment on how much is left
Ask the nurse or GP about a sudden change, or whether sickness, constipation or a sore mouth may be putting them off, because some causes can be treated.
Stage 2: A few mouthfuls and some sips
What you may see
They tire after a few spoonfuls, and soft food is easier than anything that needs chewing. They may sleep through what used to be mealtimes.
What helps
- Sitting them as upright as is comfortable, and staying with them while they eat or drink
- Soft, moist food such as yoghurt, custard, ice cream or soup
- Drinks in small amounts, through a straw or from a teaspoon
Ask the nurse or GP about tablets that are getting hard to swallow, or coughing and spluttering when they eat or drink.
Stage 3: Sips only, and swallowing is harder
What you may see
Food is no longer wanted. They take a little fluid, often with effort, and the mouth and lips dry out quickly.
What helps
- Small amounts of fluid from a teaspoon, or a syringe without a needle, while they can still swallow
- Small chips of ice or frozen juice, if they find them refreshing
- Mouth care and lip balm whenever the mouth looks dry
Ask the nurse or GP about whether drinks are still safe and how to give them, and whether a saliva gel or spray would help.
Stage 4: No longer swallowing
What you may see
They are asleep for most of the time and cannot swallow safely. Their body no longer needs food or drink, and a dry mouth is now the main thing that can make them uncomfortable.
What helps
- Moistening the mouth with a soft toothbrush dipped in water, or with a mouth care sponge if the nurse suggests one
- Lip balm, or a water-based gel instead if they are on oxygen
- Sitting with them and talking to them while you do it
Ask the nurse or GP about anything that makes them seem thirsty, restless or uncomfortable. The nurse can look at the mouth care and at whether anything else would help.
The stages are a guide rather than a timetable, and a person can have a better day and eat something after days of eating nothing. Marie Curie's advice holds throughout: follow their lead, offer small amounts without pushing, and try to accept that they may not want or need to eat or drink. Someone who can no longer speak may tell you by closing their mouth, turning their head away or biting the spoon.
The last stage is covered in more detail in the last days and hours, and if your relative has dementia, eating and swallowing in later dementia and end-stage dementia care at home both cover it.
Mouth care
Mouth care is the main comfort once drinking stops
When someone is drinking little or nothing, the mouth and lips dry out, and that can make them uncomfortable in a way that is easy to put right. Mouth care is one of the few things a family can do with their own hands right to the end, and NICE says family members should be encouraged to help with it if they want to.
- 1
Get the right things together
Once, and keep them by the bedA small soft toothbrush, water, a mild toothpaste, lip balm and a towel. Ask the nurse or pharmacist about saliva gels or sprays. - 2
Sit them up a little, if you can
Before you startMarie Curie suggests helping someone sit up to have their teeth cleaned. If they cannot sit up, ask the GP or district nurse how best to do it. - 3
Clean the teeth and gums gently
At least twice a dayUse a small soft brush. Marie Curie says strong mint and foaming toothpastes can be uncomfortable near the end of life, and water alone will do. Dentures come out to be cleaned. - 4
Keep the mouth moist
Whenever it looks dryWet the inside of the mouth with a soft brush or a sponge dipped in water, or give small chips of ice if they can still swallow. Hospice UK says that someone may bite on a sponge at first, and to keep holding it, as they will let go. - 5
Look after the lips
Every timeA lip balm or a petroleum jelly stops the lips cracking. If your relative is on oxygen, do not use petroleum jelly: Marie Curie says it can cause blistering and is a fire hazard, and a water-based gel is used instead.
NICE guideline NG31, which covers the care of adults in the last days of life, says the dying person should be offered frequent care of the mouth and lips, with management of a dry mouth written into their care plan if it is needed. Marie Curie's page on mouth care lists soreness, ulcers, bleeding and white patches, which can be a sign of thrush, as things to tell a doctor or nurse about.
If caring for somebody's mouth feels strange at first, Marie Curie suggests asking the GP or district nurse whether someone can be with you the first time, or talk you through it on the phone.
Swallowing safely
Swallowing problems, and how to offer drinks more safely
Swallowing gets harder as someone weakens, and food or drink can go the wrong way. That does not mean every sip has to stop, but it does mean taking care and asking for advice early.
Ways to make eating and drinking safer
- Sit them as upright as is comfortable to eat or drink
- Offer drinks in small amounts, from a teaspoon, through a straw, or from a syringe without a needle while they can swallow
- Take your time, with no rush between mouthfuls
- Give drinks only when they are awake enough to swallow
- Follow any advice a speech and language therapist has given about food and drinks
Signs to tell the nurse or GP about
- Coughing or spluttering when they eat or drink
- Choking, or saying food feels stuck in their throat
- More saliva in the mouth, which can cause drooling or problems talking
- Food or drink coming back up through the mouth or nose
- Tablets that have become hard to swallow
These signs come from Marie Curie's guide to difficulty swallowing. It explains that food or drink going into the lungs, called aspiration, can cause a chest infection, and that choking can be frightening and serious. The GP or nurse can refer your relative to a speech and language therapist, who can teach exercises to help someone swallow more safely or recommend particular foods and drinks. Dysphagia diets after a stroke explains what the different food and drink textures mean. If swallowing medicine has become the problem, the nurse or GP can look at other ways of giving it, such as a patch or a syringe driver, and pain and symptoms at home covers how symptoms are managed once tablets are no longer possible.
Near the end of life, safety is weighed against comfort. NICE says the dying person should be supported to drink if they wish to and are able to, that swallowing problems and the risk of aspiration should be checked for, and that the risks and benefits of continuing to drink should be discussed with the person and those caring for them. For someone who enjoys a spoonful of ice cream or a sip of tea, the team and the family may decide together that the pleasure matters more than a small risk. That is a conversation to have with the nurse or doctor, not a decision the family has to carry alone.
Drips and tubes
Drips and feeding tubes: what the guidance says, and who decides
Giving fluids through a drip, or food through a tube, is called clinically assisted hydration or nutrition. The Mental Capacity Act Code of Practice recognises it as a form of medical treatment, so it is offered when a doctor thinks it would help the person. The family has a say in the decision, and it helps to know what the guidance says before the conversation.
A drip for fluids
What it is
Fluid given through a small needle under the skin or into a vein, set up and looked after by the nursing team.
What the guidance says
NICE says it may relieve distressing symptoms of dehydration but may cause other problems, and that in the last days it is uncertain whether it lengthens life, or whether not giving it shortens life. A trial can be considered if someone has symptoms such as thirst or delirium and cannot drink enough.
Tube feeding
What it is
Liquid food given through a tube into the stomach, either through the nose or through a small opening in the tummy.
What the guidance says
Marie Curie says that if someone is dying, tube feeding is unlikely to help them live longer or feel better, and it can cause other problems. Whether it is suitable is a question for the doctor.
A tube or drip already in place
What it is
For someone who was fed or given fluids this way before they reached the last days of life.
What the guidance says
NICE says the benefits and risks of carrying on should be reviewed with the person and those close to them, and that it may be continued, reduced or stopped as they near death.
If a drip is started
What it is
A trial, watched closely, rather than a decision for good.
What the guidance says
NICE says it should be checked at least every 12 hours, continued if it is helping, and reduced or stopped if there are signs of harm, such as fluid overload, or if the person no longer wants it.
NICE says a dying person's hydration should be assessed, preferably every day, and that the need for a drip should be reviewed with their wishes and preferences respected. Before one is started, any concerns the person or family have raised should be dealt with. The team looks at the whole person, including any wishes or beliefs they have expressed, how thirsty they are and whether even a temporary recovery is possible. It is fine to ask the doctor why a drip has or has not been suggested, and to ask again if things change.
The law sets out who decides. Under the Mental Capacity Act Code of Practice, nobody has a legal right to demand a treatment that the doctors consider clinically unnecessary or inappropriate, although a person can say what they would want and doctors must consider it. If your relative cannot decide for themselves, the doctor must decide in their best interests, and the Mental Capacity Act says they must take into account the views of the family and anyone caring for them. An attorney under a health and welfare lasting power of attorney can only refuse life-sustaining treatment if the document expressly allows it; lasting power of attorney explains the two kinds.
Your relative may already have said what they want. An advance decision to refuse treatment can refuse clinically assisted nutrition and hydration, and if it is valid and applies to the situation it has to be followed. It cannot refuse basic care: the Code of Practice says the offer of food and water by mouth is part of the care that keeps a person comfortable. If a feeding tube is already part of your relative's care, PEG feeding at home explains how it works day to day and who does what. If your family has not talked about any of this yet, talking about dying with a parent has ways to start.
When food is how you care
When feeding someone has been how you look after them
For many families, cooking for someone is how love is shown. A parent who fed you for years, or a partner you have cooked for every evening, now turns the plate away, and it can feel like being turned away yourself. That feeling is common, and it deserves to be taken seriously.
Care for their mouth and lips
Keep them company
Eat together if they wish
Talk to the nurse about how you feel
Marie Curie describes providing food for the people we love as a big part of showing that we care for them. When you stop offering the next meal, it can feel like giving up. The guidance above says otherwise: at this stage, pressing food on someone can make them uncomfortable, and what helps them now is mouth care, sips while they want them, and your company. If people in the family see this differently, asking the nurse to explain it to everyone together can help. Looking after yourself at the end is written for you, as the person doing the caring.
Help with meals and mouth care at homeSection titled Help%20with%20meals%20and%20mouth%20care%20at%20home
A paid carer can share this work, offering drinks and doing mouth care through the day or the night while the family rests. A carer does not set up drips, and gives tube feeds only once a nurse has trained and signed them off for your relative; what carers are not allowed to do sets out where the line falls, and what a carer does at this stage covers the rest of their day.
If you would like help at home, you can search for carers near you and compare their rates. Carers on PrimeCarers are self-employed, and you choose who to speak to and agree the visits with them directly. Hourly carers charge £18 to £25 an hour with our fee included, compared with £28 to £35 an hour at an agency. Before a carer appears on PrimeCarers, their identity and right to work are checked, along with an enhanced DBS check (or PVG in Scotland, Access NI in Northern Ireland) issued within the last 18 months, and they are interviewed online. Visits booked through PrimeCarers are insured while the carer works. We do not check qualifications, training or references, and there is no way to search for carers by end-of-life experience: what a carer says about their experience is their own account on their profile, and reviews and references there are not verified by us, so ask them about it when you talk.
Questions
Questions families ask about eating and drinking at the end
The NHS says that as someone gets closer to dying, their body cannot digest food properly and they will not need to eat. Hospice UK says a dry-looking mouth does not necessarily mean someone is dehydrated. A dry mouth can still be uncomfortable, and mouth care eases it. If your relative seems thirsty or distressed, tell the nurse, who can assess them and talk to you about what would help.
Marie Curie says that when someone is dying, how much they eat and drink will not change how long they live. NICE says that in the last days of life it is uncertain whether a drip lengthens life, and uncertain whether not giving one shortens it. Eating and drinking less is part of dying rather than its cause.
Often, yes, with care and after talking to the nurse or doctor. NICE says the risks and benefits of continuing to drink should be discussed with the person and those caring for them. A spoonful of something they love, given while they are sitting up and fully awake, may matter more to them than a small risk. The team can help you decide.
If your relative can decide, it is their decision. If they cannot, the doctor decides in their best interests and must take the family's views into account. A valid advance decision can refuse tube feeding, and an attorney can refuse life-sustaining treatment only if the lasting power of attorney expressly allows it. Advance decisions and advance statements explains more.
Yes. A carer can offer food and drinks, help with sips, clean teeth and dentures and keep the mouth and lips moist. Drips are for the nursing team, and a carer gives tube feeds only after a nurse has trained and signed them off for your relative. What a carer does at this stage covers the rest of their work.