My husband has dementia: what help can I get?

You do not have to do all seven at once. If you do only two things this month, ask the council for both assessments and claim Attendance Allowance. Those two open the way to most of the rest. Caring for a husband, wife or partner covers the wider side of caring for a partner, including how the relationship changes.

From the NHSSection titled From%20the%20NHS

National guidance from NICE on dementia care says a person with dementia should have a single named health or social care professional who is responsible for coordinating their care, and a care and support plan that says when and how often it will be reviewed. The same guidance says carers should be told about their right to a carer's assessment. If you do not know who that named person is, ask. If he is still under the memory service, ask them. If he has been discharged, ask the GP practice.

At the GP practice, ask for his dementia care plan to be reviewed, and mention anything that has changed since the last review, such as sleep, eating, mood or falls. If his behaviour changes suddenly, the NHS says the cause may be a health problem such as pain, constipation or an infection, and advises asking the GP for an assessment.

Admiral Nurses are specialist dementia nurses who advise and support families. There are local Admiral Nurse services in some areas and a national helpline everywhere. Admiral Nurses and free dementia support explains how to reach one, along with the Alzheimer's Society and the other charities.

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The council's adult social care team does two separate assessments, and they can be done together.

Ring adult social care or fill in the form on your council's website. The gov.uk needs assessment page finds your council from your postcode. When they call back, describe a bad day rather than a good one, and say that you are his main carer. The care needs assessment explains what happens at the visit, and what a carer's assessment is explains yours.

After the needs assessment there is a financial assessment. In England, if his savings are over £23,250 he will usually pay for his own care, and savings under £14,250 are not counted. The home you live in is not counted when care is at home. If the council agrees to fund care, you can ask for the money as a direct payment and use it to pay a carer you choose.

Start with Attendance Allowance, because Carer's Allowance and the council tax discount can depend on it. The form asks about the help he needs, including at night, so write down what happens over a week before you fill it in. If he is under State Pension age, the benefit is PIP instead. Both are paid to him and can be spent on anything, including paid care.

Carer's Allowance when you are over State Pension ageSection titled Carer%27s%20Allowance%20when%20you%20are%20over%20State%20Pension%20age

Gov.uk says you cannot get the full amount of both Carer's Allowance and your State Pension. If your State Pension is £86.45 a week or more, you get no Carer's Allowance payment. If it is less, you get the difference. It can still be worth claiming, because being entitled to Carer's Allowance without it being paid can bring an extra amount in Pension Credit if you qualify for that. Carer's Allowance explained goes through the rules, and a benefits adviser at Citizens Advice or Age UK can check your own figures.

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The gov.uk page on council tax discounts for severe mental impairment sets out two cases. If you live with someone who qualifies and there are no other adults in the home, you get 25% off. If he lives on his own and qualifies, the bill can be cut to nothing. Ask the council tax office for the form, ask his GP for the certificate, and ask whether a discount can be backdated. Council tax, VAT relief, Pension Credit and grants covers this and the other smaller reliefs.

1. 1

   Talk about it together

   Now

   There are two kinds. One covers property and money, such as paying bills and dealing with the bank. The other covers health and welfare, such as where he lives and his medical care. You can make both, and you may want to make your own at the same time, naming each other or somebody else you trust.
2. 2

   Fill in the forms

   Online or on paper

   You can make them on gov.uk without a solicitor. If you are unsure whether he has capacity, or the family disagree, a solicitor can help and can record why they were satisfied that he understood.
3. 3

   Register them with the Office of the Public Guardian

   £92 each, unless reduced

   A power of attorney cannot be used until it is registered. Gov.uk says registration takes several weeks when there are no mistakes on the forms, so do not leave it until you need it.
4. 4

   If he can no longer make one

   The Court of Protection

   You can apply to the Court of Protection to become his deputy. The court decides what you can do. It costs more than a power of attorney, and there is a yearly fee while you act as deputy.

The gov.uk guide to lasting power of attorney has the forms and the current fee, and says who can get a reduction. Lasting power of attorney and dementia explains how capacity is judged when somebody has dementia, and what to do if he is reluctant.

If it is already too late for him to make one, the Court of Protection explains deputyship. The gov.uk page on becoming a deputy says the court usually appoints a deputy for health and welfare decisions only in particular cases, such as when there is disagreement about what is best for him. A deputy for property and money is the more common application, and the court charges an application fee and a yearly supervision fee. A solicitor can make the application for you, and this is a point at which legal advice is worth paying for.

The NHS lists the kinds of carers' breaks and respite care: day centres, a paid carer at home, a short stay in a care home, sitting services and help from friends and family. To get a break arranged or paid for by the council, he needs a needs assessment and you need a carer's assessment. Some services are free and some charge. Respite for dementia compares respite at home with a stay in a care home, and what suits somebody who finds change unsettling.

Paid help at home covers a wide range, from an afternoon a week to somebody living in. These are the prices carers on PrimeCarers charge, with our fee included.

On PrimeCarers you choose the carer yourself. You search, read profiles and reviews, and talk to the carers you like before you agree anything. PrimeCarers is an introductory service, not an agency, and carers are self-employed. The arrangement is between you and the carer, under a standard agreement: hourly visits can be ended by either of you with 48 hours' notice, and a visit you cancel is payable in full unless the reason is an unplanned hospital stay, illness or something the carer agrees to. If you would rather somebody handled the bookings and helped with holiday cover, the Managed service does that for an extra fee.

Before a carer appears on the platform, PrimeCarers checks their identity and right to work, confirms an accepted criminal-record check (Enhanced DBS issued within the last 18 months, DBS Update Service, Scottish PVG or Access NI), and interviews them online. Separately, every visit booked through PrimeCarers is insured, by the carer's own policy or by cover PrimeCarers arranges where they do not hold one. PrimeCarers does not check training or qualifications. What a carer says about their dementia experience is their own account, so ask them about it, and read what dementia training a carer should have before you talk.

Tell your own GP practice that you are a carer and ask them to note it on your record. The NHS says the main carer for an older or disabled person can have a free flu vaccine. Tell the GP if you are low, anxious or not sleeping: NICE guidance asks professionals to be aware that people caring for somebody with dementia are at higher risk of depression. Free help for family carers covers your rights as a carer and the support groups and carers' centres near you.

If he is up in the night and you are too, sleep deprivation and the case for a night carer explains what a night or two a week of cover can do.

These are the changes that usually mean it is time to ask for more help, each with the page that goes into it.

If more than one of these is happening, or you are doing it all without a break, it may be time to think about somebody living in. Live-in care for dementia explains how that works when you are still in the house, and it lets him stay at home with you.