A far-off wedding with an older relative: getting there and the overnight stay

The simplest change you can make is to split the travelling from the celebrating. Arriving the afternoon before means your relative does the long part of the journey on a quiet day, sees the room in daylight and has a night's sleep before the ceremony. The morning after then becomes part of the plan too, rather than a rushed check-out with a tired guest.

For each of the three days, name the person responsible at each stage. When everyone assumes someone else has it in hand, the gaps appear: nobody has booked help for the return train, or the person meant to be sleeping next door is also the best man. The plan below is a starting point to copy and adjust. If you are earlier in the planning, where to start with an older or disabled wedding guest covers the invitation, the venue and the people involved.

It helps to write this down with names next to each line and share it with everyone involved, so the person travelling with your relative knows who takes over at the hotel. A wedding day care plan you can print has space for the routine, medicines and contacts.

By trainSection titled By%20train

Passenger Assist is the rail industry's free booking service. Staff can meet your relative at the entrance, help them through the station and onto the train, and meet them at each change and at the other end. Train companies accept bookings up to 2 hours before the journey, and you can still turn up and ask, but booking ahead gives the station time to have someone ready. You can book on the National Rail Passenger Assist page, through the train company or with the Passenger Assistance app. If your relative travels by train more than once or twice a year, look at the Disabled Persons Railcard to see whether they qualify.

Flying with elderly parentsSection titled Flying%20with%20elderly%20parents

The Civil Aviation Authority says passengers are entitled to free assistance when flying from any UK airport, and when flying into the UK on a UK or EU airline. That includes people with hidden conditions such as dementia. Ask for it when you book the tickets, or at least 48 hours before you fly. The help can start at the car park or drop-off point and includes a wheelchair to the gate, help through security and help boarding. A family member can go with them, and your relative's own wheelchair can usually be used up to the gate and should be returned at the arrival gate.

People with a stable condition do not usually need clearance to fly. If your relative has been unwell recently, or the airline has concerns, it may ask for a form or a doctor's note, so raise anything significant when you book.

By carSection titled By%20car

A long drive can be the easiest option for someone who tires quickly, because you can stop whenever they need to. Plan stops with accessible toilets every couple of hours. If your relative uses a hoist or needs a changing bench, the Changing Places map lists toilets with the equipment and space for a carer. Getting an older guest to and from the wedding covers the shorter trips between the hotel, the ceremony and the reception.

1. 1

   Buy travel insurance and declare every condition

   When you book

   Government guidance is to declare existing conditions and any pending tests or treatment, because failing to declare something can invalidate the policy. That includes memory problems and mental health conditions.
2. 2

   Apply for a GHIC if the wedding is in Europe

   Free

   A UK Global Health Insurance Card covers necessary state healthcare in the EEA and some other countries, on the same basis as a local resident. It is free from the NHS website, and it is not a replacement for travel insurance.
3. 3

   Sort out the medicines

   A few weeks before

   Carry medicines in hand luggage in their pharmacy packaging, with a copy of the prescription or a letter from the GP. Take enough for delays. Check controlled drugs are allowed with the embassy of the country you are visiting.
4. 4

   Check the Blue Badge and the ground at the venue

   Before you go

   A UK Blue Badge can be used in some EU countries, Liechtenstein, Norway and Switzerland, and the concessions vary. Ask the venue about slopes, steps, sand and gravel, which are harder to manage abroad.

Time differences can move medicine times. Ask the GP or pharmacist how to shift the doses across the trip, and write the new times on the card that travels with your relative. The Foreign, Commonwealth and Development Office travel advice lists the entry rules for each country, and the NHS guide to healthcare abroad explains what is covered and where.

If a long flight looks like too much, the couple may prefer to hear that early. A video call from the ceremony or a second celebration at home can include them instead, and the holidays guides look at which kinds of trip suit an older person.

Book the accessible room as soon as the date and venue are fixed, before the rest of the wedding party fills the hotel. Hotels describe accessible rooms in different ways, so ask about the features your relative needs rather than relying on the word "accessible". Ring and speak to someone, then confirm what they told you by email.

Under the Equality Act 2010, businesses that provide services to the public, hotels among them, have a duty to make reasonable adjustments for disabled people, such as changing the way they do things or providing equipment or help. The Act also says a business cannot make a disabled person pay the cost of making a reasonable adjustment. Citizens Advice explains the duty to make reasonable adjustments and what to do if a business refuses. Tourism for All is a charity that gives information on accessible places to stay.

If the hotel is also the venue, use the same call to cover the day itself. The accessible wedding venue checklist has the questions about the ceremony room, the toilets and the seating, and hiring a wheelchair or commode for the wedding explains how to arrange equipment near the venue.

Think about what happens at home now. If your relative manages the night alone, a room next door with a phone number to ring may be enough. If they get up to use the toilet, have fallen at night, or are confused when they wake in a strange place, someone should be in the room or in a connecting room. Some people living with dementia become more unsettled in the late afternoon and evening, which our page on sundowning explains, so the end of a wedding is a time to have help nearby.

For a relative who already has a carer at home, ask that carer whether they would come on the trip, since they know the routine. Waking nights and sleeping nights explains the difference between a carer who stays awake and one who sleeps and is woken if needed, which is the first thing to settle with anyone staying over. If a carer travels with you, the client contract says travel costs are only charged where they have been agreed in advance in writing, and other expenses are reimbursed with receipts when you have agreed them in advance.

The wedding itself is the other half of the question. If the person who usually looks after your relative is also the mother of the bride, it is hard for her to do both. That is the point to think about a wedding carer who stays with them all day, from the journey to the venue to the journey back to the hotel, so the family can be guests. For someone living with dementia, taking a parent with dementia to a wedding has more on keeping the day calm.

Expect a slow couple of days afterwards. Tiredness, a disturbed night and a change of routine can leave an older person more confused or unsteady for a little while, so it is worth someone checking in more often that week. If they normally have visits at home, let the carer know about the trip so they can look out for anything that seems different. Medicines on the day and on the journey are covered in more detail in toilets, continence and medicines on a wedding day.