The short answer
- Dress for the evening as well as the ceremonyA wedding can run for twelve hours, mostly sitting, with spells outside. Comfort at hour ten matters more than how the outfit looks in the shop mirror.
- In a wheelchair, judge everything sitting downShort jackets, room in the hips, a hem that covers the knees when seated and nothing loose near the wheels.
- With a stoma, keep the waistband off the bagOrdinary clothes usually work. Choose a high or dropped waist and patterned fabric, with no belt across the stoma.
- Thin layers for a marqueeSeveral thin layers keep someone warmer than one thick coat, and they can come off one at a time as the room warms up.
- Shoes that grip and are already worn inA low heel, a soft sole with grip and room for feet that swell after hours of sitting.
This is practical advice rather than a fashion guide. Their GP, stoma nurse or occupational therapist can advise on anything specific to their health.
Dress for the whole day
Choose clothes for a long day spent mostly sitting down
An outfit tends to be chosen standing up in a shop, with the arrival at the ceremony in mind. An older guest will spend most of the day sitting, will go outside and back in several times, and will need the toilet more than once, so the outfit has to work at every stage.
- Arriving
Outside, on gravel, grass or church steps
A coat or wrap and shoes with grip. There may be a wait outside before everyone goes in.
- Ceremony
Sitting still, sometimes in a cold church
Old churches and historic venues can be chilly even in summer. A layer they can keep on while seated helps, and so does a hem that stays put.
- Photographs
Back outside, often standing or waiting
A chair, a hat in the sun or a coat in the wind helps here. Ask the photographer to take the older guests early.
- Drinks
A lawn or a terrace, with drinks in hand
Heels sink into grass. A seat nearby means they do not have to stand for an hour.
- Meal and speeches
Two or three hours seated in a warm room
The layers come off here. A waistband that was fine at noon can dig in after a meal, which is why elastic and soft fabrics earn their place.
- Evening
Cooler and louder after dark
A marquee loses its warmth after dark. Have the coat and a blanket to hand, and somewhere quieter to sit away from the speakers.
If you are still choosing a venue, the accessible wedding venue checklist covers the things that shape an outfit, such as gravel paths, heating in a marquee and how far the toilets are from the tables. The guide to planning a wedding with an older or disabled guest sets out the decisions to make first.
The NHS lists people aged 65 and over among those most at risk in both cold weather and heatwaves, so temperature is a health point for an older guest as well as a comfort one. A guest who has gone pale and shivery in a cold marquee needs warming up and a hot drink.
Wheelchairs, stomas, the cold
What to look for if they use a wheelchair, have a stoma or feel the cold
Find the need that matches your relative. Each card says what to look for, what usually causes trouble, and how to test it at home.
If they use a wheelchair
Look for
- A jacket, bolero or wrap that ends at the waist, so there is nothing to sit on
- A dress or skirt with room in the hips, long enough to cover the knees once seated
- Fabric that hangs clear of the wheels, with sleeves that are not loose at the wrist
Best avoided
A long coat that bunches underneath them, a back zip or bow that presses into the chair, or a trailing hem.
Try it first
Sit in the actual chair for an hour, and be pushed over a doorstep.
If they have a stoma
Look for
- A waistband that sits above or below the stoma, never across it
- A dress with a high or dropped waist, or a tunic over soft trousers
- Patterned or textured fabric, and the support garment they already wear
Best avoided
A belt, a fitted waist seam or shapewear pressing on the bag, and thin, clingy fabric.
Try it first
Empty the bag once while wearing the outfit, so they know it can be done in a small cubicle.
If they feel the cold, or the heat
Look for
- Several thin layers they can add or take off, in wool or fleece rather than one heavy coat
- Warm tights or socks, a hat or a scarf, and a lap blanket for a wheelchair
- For a hot day, light, loose clothes, a hat and a seat in the shade
Best avoided
A thin dress under one thick coat, which leaves them cold the moment the coat comes off.
Try it first
Ask where the coat will be kept, and who will fetch it in the evening.
If they need help in the toilet
Look for
- An elasticated waist or front fastening, and separates rather than one piece
- A skirt or dress that lifts easily, over hold-ups or knee-highs instead of tights
- Dark or patterned fabric, with a full spare outfit in the car
Best avoided
A jumpsuit, a back zip, layers of shapewear, and hooks or buttons that take two hands.
Try it first
Use the toilet once in the outfit at home, with whoever will help on the day.
If they have dementia or stiff hands
Look for
- Clothes they already know and like, or a new outfit worn a few times first
- Velcro, poppers or magnetic buttons, fastening at the front
- Wide neck and arm openings, and a choice between two outfits rather than many
Best avoided
Small buttons, cufflinks, a tie they cannot do up, and a brand new outfit seen for the first time that morning.
Try it first
Dress in it on a normal day and see how it goes.
None of this needs specialist clothing. Colostomy UK, the charity for people with a stoma, says that stoma surgery does not usually change the clothes a person can wear, and its clothing page and helpline are the place to start if your relative is worried about the bag showing in a fitted dress. The NHS says the same of ileostomy bags. If the stoma is new, their stoma nurse is the right person to ask about support garments. Catheter and stoma care at home covers the day-to-day side.
For dementia and stiff fingers, the Alzheimer's Society guidance on dressing recommends Velcro, poppers or magnetic buttons, fastenings at the front, and offering a choice of two items rather than a whole wardrobe. Living Made Easy, the charity formerly known as the Disabled Living Foundation, gives impartial advice on dressing aids and adapted clothing. If your relative has dementia, taking someone with dementia to a wedding covers the rest of the day, including how to keep them settled.
Shoes and feet
Shoes with grip, a low heel and room for swollen feet
A new pair bought to match the outfit can slip on a polished floor or sink into a lawn, and by the middle of the afternoon it may start to pinch.
What works
- Shoes that fit well, stay on the foot and have a good grip, which is the NHS advice on preventing falls
- A wide fit, a low heel and a soft sole, the NHS advice for feet that swell
- A pair they have worn around the house for a week or two before the day
- Velcro or elastic laces if bending down to tie shoes is hard
- A second, more comfortable pair in the car for the evening
What tends to go wrong
- A new pair worn for the first time on the day
- Heels of any height on grass, gravel or a dance floor
- Smooth leather soles on a polished floor or wet steps
- Tight tights or socks that dig in at the ankle after hours of sitting
Feet and ankles often swell after hours in one position. The NHS lists sitting or standing in the same position for too long as a common cause, and suggests gentle walking and raising the legs when possible. Plan a short walk after the meal and a footstool or spare chair for the evening.
If your relative has fallen before, or is nervous of falling, shoes are worth more thought than the dress or suit. The guide to fear of falling explains why confidence matters as much as balance, and walking aids and how to choose them is worth reading if a stick or frame is part of the day. A guest who might manage the ceremony on foot but not the whole day may be better with a borrowed or hired chair, and hiring a wheelchair or commode for a wedding explains how to arrange one.
Try it on first
Try the whole outfit on, sitting and in the toilet, before the day
A dress rehearsal at home a week or two before the wedding is the simplest way to find problems while there is still time to fix them. The person who will help them on the day should be there.
- 1
Wear everything at once
Two weeks beforeThe outfit, the underwear, the shoes, the coat and any jewellery or hat. Then sit in it for at least an hour, in the chair they will use on the day if they use a wheelchair. - 2
Use the toilet in it
The same afternoonWith whoever will help on the day. Check they can reach every fastening, lift or lower the skirt or trousers in a small space, and manage a stoma bag or a pad without taking everything off. - 3
Walk outside and up a step
The same afternoonOn grass or gravel if the venue has it. This is how you find out that the hem catches or the shoes slip. - 4
Pack the day bag
The week beforeA spare set of clothes, spare pads or stoma supplies, wipes, a cardigan, a blanket and flat shoes, left in the car rather than carried all day. Their medicines stay with whoever is helping them. - 5
Agree who helps them change
The week beforeName the person who will help them to the toilet and with the coat, and make sure that person is free at those times.
The day bag and the medicines are covered in more detail in toilets, continence and medicines on a wedding day, and it helps to write the timings into a wedding day care plan so nobody has to remember them on the day.
The last step needs the most thought. If the person who normally helps your relative dress and use the toilet is a parent of the couple, they will also be greeting guests, posing for photographs and perhaps making a speech. If nobody else in the family is free, you could book a wedding carer who stays with them all day and takes over that help.
Questions
Questions families ask about what to wear
Whatever suits the dress code and they feel good in, chosen for comfort over a long day. Look for soft fabrics with some stretch, an elasticated or front-fastening waist, thin layers they can take off and put back on, and low shoes with a grippy sole that they have already worn in. Have them sit in the outfit for an hour before the day.
Ask the couple about colours and the dress code first, then choose the outfit for the day she will have. A dress or a skirt suit with a short jacket works well seated, and a wrap or pashmina is easier than a coat to take on and off. If she uses a wheelchair or a walking frame, check the hem clears the wheels or the frame, and have her try it on sitting down. There is more on ways to include a frail grandparent in the day itself.
Some companies make adapted clothing, but most ordinary outfits work if you judge them sitting down. A short jacket or bolero, a dress with room in the hips that covers the knees when seated, and no loose fabric near the wheels are the main points. Try it in the chair in front of a mirror and check the back, which is the part that presses into the seat for hours.
Most dresses can be stoma friendly. Colostomy UK says stoma surgery does not usually change the clothes a person can wear. A high empire waist, a dropped waist or a loose tunic style keeps seams and belts off the bag, and patterned or textured fabric shows less. A support garment the person already wears is better than new shapewear on the day. Their stoma nurse can advise on anything specific.
Thin layers in wool or fleece, warm tights or socks, a hat or scarf for outside and a coat they can keep nearby. Age Cymru, part of the Age UK family, advises that several thin layers keep you warmer than one thick one. Marquees and old churches can be cold even in summer, so pack a cardigan and a lap blanket whatever the season.