Getting an older guest to and from the wedding

Before you book anything, watch your relative get into a car on an ordinary day. Notice whether they can stand from a chair, turn and lower themselves onto the seat, and lift their legs in. That tells you more than any list of options, and doing it a few weeks ahead leaves time to book something different. If you are at the start of the planning, planning a wedding with an older or disabled guest sets out the order to do things in, and the journey is one of the first things to settle.

Find the row below that sounds most like your relative.

A few situations change the choice. If your relative uses a hoist to move between bed and chair at home, they cannot be lifted into an ordinary car seat on the day, and they will need a vehicle they can stay seated in. Transfers, hoists and two carers explains why a hoist transfer needs the right equipment and the right number of people. If they walk at home but would struggle with the distances at the venue, a wheelchair for the day may be the answer, and hiring a wheelchair, scooter or commode for a wedding covers where to get one and how to check it fits in the car.

If your relative lives in a care home, the home will have its own arrangements for outings, and some homes have a minibus or know a local accessible taxi firm. Speak to the manager early. Bringing a relative from a care home to a wedding covers the conversation with the home and what to agree about collection and return times.

Wheelchair accessible wedding carsSection titled Wheelchair%20accessible%20wedding%20cars

Some wedding car firms have vehicles with a ramp or a lift. These are worth looking for when your relative is part of the ceremony, for example a father who uses a wheelchair and is travelling with the bride. For a guest who only needs to get there and back, a wheelchair accessible taxi or a hired vehicle does the same job.

What taxi and private hire drivers must doSection titled What%20taxi%20and%20private%20hire%20drivers%20must%20do

The Taxis and Private Hire Vehicles (Disabled Persons) Act 2022 added new duties to the Equality Act 2010. Since 28 June 2022, in England, Scotland and Wales, when a taxi or private hire vehicle is booked by or for a disabled passenger, the driver must carry them, carry their wheelchair or other mobility aid, and give reasonable help getting into and out of the vehicle and with loading the wheelchair and luggage. They must make sure the passenger travels in safety and reasonable comfort, and they cannot charge extra for any of this. The Department for Transport's guidance, Access to taxis and private hire vehicles for disabled users, explains how councils enforce this.

That law makes a taxi a dependable option for someone who can transfer to a car seat. It does not mean every taxi can carry a person who has to stay in their wheelchair, so when you book, say clearly that you need a wheelchair accessible vehicle and that your relative will travel seated in the chair.

Hiring a wheelchair accessible vehicle for the daySection titled Hiring%20a%20wheelchair%20accessible%20vehicle%20for%20the%20day

Some vehicle hire firms rent out wheelchair accessible vehicles on a self-drive basis, which lets a family member drive. Ask the firm who is allowed to drive under their insurance, and ask for someone to show you how the ramp or lift and the wheelchair straps work. Practise loading the chair once before the day if you can.

Community transportSection titled Community%20transport

Community transport schemes are run by charities, community groups and some councils for people who find ordinary buses and taxis difficult, and some use accessible minibuses and cars. The Community Transport Association map lists operators across the UK. Schemes differ in where they go, when they run and who can use them, so contact your local scheme early and ask whether they can help with a weekend or evening journey.

The source for these rules is the government's guide, the Blue Badge scheme: rights and responsibilities in England. The scheme runs separately in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland and the street parking rules differ, so check the local rules if the wedding is in another part of the UK. Applications in England, Scotland and Wales start on the apply for a Blue Badge page, and in Northern Ireland at nidirect. If your relative does not have a badge yet, apply as early as you can, since the council has to assess the application before a badge is issued.

Ask for a drop-off at the doorSection titled Ask%20for%20a%20drop-off%20at%20the%20door

Ask the venue whether a car can drive right up to the door of the ceremony room and the reception, whether the route from there is step-free, and where the driver should then park. Your relative then goes straight from the car to a seat while the driver parks. The accessible wedding venue checklist has the other questions to ask on the same call, about steps, toilets and a quiet room.

If the ceremony and the reception are in different places, you have two arrivals to plan, and the second one usually happens with everyone else leaving at once. Ask the driver to wait until the crowd has gone, or to leave a few minutes before the rest of the guests, so your relative is not standing in a queue of cars.

One driver who will not drinkSection titled One%20driver%20who%20will%20not%20drink

Choose a driver who will not drink at all, and tell them before the day that this is their job. The government's drink drive limit page says it is impossible to say how many drinks keep a person under the limit, because it varies so much from person to person. The limit in Scotland is lower than in England, Wales and Northern Ireland. The simplest arrangement is a driver who stays on soft drinks, or a taxi booked for the journey home.

It can be kinder to choose a driver who is not one of the people the couple most wants to celebrate with. A cousin or a friend who is happy to leave early may suit better than the guest's own son, who might be making a speech.

An early-leave plan, agreed beforehandSection titled An%20early-leave%20plan%2C%20agreed%20beforehand

Talk to your relative before the day about how long they want to stay. Agree a time to check how they are, and a simple way for them to say they have had enough, so they are not left trying to find the right moment to interrupt somebody. If they are living with dementia, watch for signs of tiredness or distress rather than relying on them to tell you. Taking a parent or grandparent with dementia to a wedding covers this in more detail.

Here is how the journeys might fit around a wedding with a ceremony at two o'clock.

Write the times, the driver's name and phone number, and the taxi firm's number into the plan for the day, so everyone helping has the same information. The wedding day care plan template is a good place to keep it. For toilet stops on the way, toilets, continence and medicines across a long wedding day covers what to pack and how to plan breaks. If the wedding is more than a couple of hours away, a wedding far from home with an older relative covers the longer journey and an overnight stay.

Tiredness makes a fall more likely, so leave a hall light on before you set out and keep the route to the bathroom clear. If your relative is already nervous about falling, fear of falling explains how that worry shows itself and what helps. If they normally have a carer visit in the evening, tell the carer about the wedding in advance so the visit can be moved rather than missed.

Who will do all of this on the day?Section titled Who%20will%20do%20all%20of%20this%20on%20the%20day%3F

At this point some families realise that the person who usually looks after their relative is the same person who wants to be at the wedding as a guest: the mother of the bride, or the groom's father. If nobody else can be the driver, the companion and the person who leaves early, one option is a wedding carer who stays with them all day, from getting ready in the morning to being settled at home at night. Whether a carer drives, and in whose car, is agreed with them in advance. A carer who drives a client needs business use cover, on their own policy or as a named driver on yours, which carer car insurance explains. Under the PrimeCarers contract, travel expenses are only charged if they are agreed in advance and in writing.